I dreamed about you last night. You said you loved me and wanted me back. I promised that I would never leave you. Aaron appeared after that. He seemed angry at me so I apologized. He stormed off. You stayed with me then I started crying in the dream and you comforted me then I woke up and I was crying. You weren't there to comfort me.

I want to message you again, but I have a feeling that it would be awkward or you'd ignore me or be mad or maybe that I would hurt you.

I want to message Aaron too, I want to tell him everything but that would make this worse. I wanna tell him to treasure you like you're the only person in the world, like the moon and the sun and the stars, in a way that I can't anymore.

I hate this. I hate everything. I hate myself. Maybe if I hadn't done that, maybe if I hadn't said yes when you asked if anyone wanted to Skype call, maybe if, maybe if, maybe if.

You're in my head like a catchy song. Every time anyone flirts with me it feels like I'm cheating on you. Dating Charlie and Louis, feels like I'm cheating. I can't stand it. I want to push them away but I can't.

Every time I think of you my heart burns. It feels like a stabbing pain in my chest. My throat starts to burn, my head hurts. Almost like last night but not so awful. My eyes and body hurts from that.

I'm trying to push you from my mind because it's all I can do not to sob when I think about you.

The chat, I miss it. The daddy league and little brats and everything. I can't take it.

I love you. I love you more than anything in the world and I don't want to be apart from you.

I'm crying as I write this. It hurts.

Sam, take my heart. It's for you anyway.