I'm a horrible person.  All I do is annoy everyone.

Why does anyone like me?  I'm horrible.  I hate myself.

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE UNIQUE

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO...ME

I HATE ME

I ANNOY EVERYONE AND...AND...I HATE MYSELF

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE WHO I AM

ALL I DO IS ANNOY EVERYONE

I WANT TO BE DEAD

JUST

ANYTHING BUT THIS

ANYTHING BUT THE HATE

ANYTHING BUT THE BULLYING

ANYTHING BUT THIS

ANYTHING

....

I hate myself....

Why do you guys like me...?

I could be faking for all you guys know.

Or not.

I don't even know anymore....

I just....

Why me...?

Why....

Why am I an outcast?

Why am I a freak?

Why am I an annoyance?

WHAT MAKES PEOPLE WANT TO MAKE FUN OF ME

AND WHY THE HELL DO I CARE

WHY ARE MY EMOTIONS SO F**KING EASY TO BE MESSED WITH

WHY

....

I'm sorry....

I don't....

I'm a horrible person....

I get so upset over the stupidest things....

I just want to lie down and go to sleep and never wake up

I want to get out of this horrible world

All because I make it feel horrible to me

"You are the one who makes you feel something" says my in-school therapist.

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY

YOU AREN'T ME

MY EMOTIONS HAVE A FREAKING MIND OF THEIR OWN

I want to die

Someone...please...end my pain

I hate myself

...

Why does anyone care about me....

I'm terrible

I don't do anything cool except write decent books

And even then...they're not that good.

They're good to the people who are involved, but what about everyone else?

"Why can't I be a part of the book?"

I hurt people by letting others in.

...

I describe myself as a city with the thickest walls you'll ever see.

The only one in this city is me.

The lone ruler.

Very few people come by, but when they do, they bring their swords.

Their words.

They kill me over.

And over.

And over.

And ENJOY IT.

WATCHING THE LIGHT, THE HAPPINESS, IN MY EYES DRAIN AWAY UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT.

And then the light, the happiness, comes back for a while.

AND THEN THEY COME BACK AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS PAIN.

I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS HORROR.

I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS FIGHTING.

I WANT TO GIVE UP.

I WANT TO DIE.

JUST KILL ME.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

EVERYONE ELSE IS HAPPY.

EVERYONE ELSE HAS THEIR CITY FILLED WITH GREAT PEOPLE.

YEAH, THEY HAVE THEIR ENEMIES, BUT THEY HAVE MANY FRIENDS TO PROTECT THEM.

THEIR FRIENDS ARE PRACTICALLY ALWAYS THERE.

MY FRIENDS CAN'T ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME

IT ISN'T FAIR.

...

I'm a terrible person...friend...mother...sister....

I hate myself....

AND NOW THERE'S A FREAKING THUNDERSTORM

...

The fourth was not with me....