Yesterday I informed Mark that I will go on a hiatus, but he's the actual reason why I'm going on a hiatus, he just said "Kk, bye." HGHGHGHGH

I don't think he knows, guys.

I think he doesn't know that he's the reason why I'm going on a break.

I mean, look, he doesn't even care! 

Just because he has a hint that I like him doesn't mean he can't talk to me..

Please, I know this is like me seeking for attention but like, people who are like me know how I feel. 

He's always talking about his friend like wtf does he not know that I don't like his friend that much? Although I am friends with his friend.

We're just not that close?- 

Besides, my brother has a crush on Mark's friend.

We're on the same page, my brother doesn't know is Mark's friend like Mark or him and I'm not sure if Mark likes his friend or me... or someone else.

I don't know but, I feel really left out because Mark, my brother and his friend always plays games without me so I feel sort of lonely. 

Even though my other friends are here for me, I just feel like I'm really lonely because of the way people find ways to use me and hurt me.

I'm really sorry, guys. 

Also the thing I'm saying about my 'brother' is just an online brother, we're not biologically siblings lol.

Brother really likes to mess around with me and his friends, he tries really hard to express his feelings and he tries really hard to show that he appreciates each and every one of us. 

Even though he's not that good at expressing his feelings. 

You know, me and my brother liked each other before, but then when Mark's friend met my brother, he (brother) started to like Mark's friend which caused him to lose feelings for me. 

I lost my feelings for him too, by the way. My friend- Hm, let's call him Aidan. 

Aidan introduced his friend to me, who is Nik (It's not his real name).

Nik and me have been friends for um, I guess 2 or 3 months.

But when break came, we ignored each other because uh, because he's 'busy'.

I have this urge to tell Mark that I'm feeling really hurt. I'm just thinking about how he made me believe in something that wasn't true.

The way he just- he just made me easily believe in something.. I just realized how much trust I put into people I like (both platonically and homosexually.)

For example, I told Mark to send me a picture of his handwriting, but then he tricked me, and made me believe that the picture he sent was really his handwriting.

But it was his friend's handwriting.

I wish to stop believing people easily, I would rather die than being tricked so many times.  I dislike the fact that I tend to give all of my trust in one person to the point I find out that 's false. To the point where I find out everything they said were lies.

I try to make my friendship with people oh so dear to me adorning. But every time I try, I end up making a fool of myself. I end up being covered in beet red hue, surrounded by the feeling of..

Regret, horrifying anxiousness, pain and of course, embarrassment.

I also try to toughen up more, but I end up thinking that my anxiousness and fear are imperishable, my sadness is also immeasurable. I just try best not to shake myself too hard.

Or else my feelings will burst out like an explosion. 

This is it for now, sayonara.