Beware! This is something a little child should not read. If you are sensitive to the topic of suicide, suicidal thoughts, etc, then don't read! It will return to its original format in the next chapter.

For the rest, enjoy.

You thought it's gonna be another weird update, well, it's not, luckily.

Sometimes, I always thought of society as some sort of chain, where the better you are, the higher you go in this chain. Well, that's how school feels like. Any organisation in particular.

I'm not good in maths. I'm not good in English. I'm not any better in art. I'm not good in history. My grades are low through my perspective. I hate what I do. I hate what I used to love and live for. I always hated school because of this thing called reality. You have to acknowledge it, or else you'll never succeed it.

In my head, there's always a system in every building. A system where the better and more clever you are, you're praised and loved more. I'm only loved by my friendliness and kindness. I appreciate it, but it's not enough. Not enough to succeed reality.

That's where the thought of ending it comes in. I know it's a topic which should never appear into a girl like me, and I know that better than anyone else, but thinking of the things I'm so ungrateful for makes me want to hate myself even more.
My mind instantly clicks of suicidal thoughts. Thoughts that just makes me wish that could happen to me. I hate it, but sometimes I'm grateful for it. Hehe, weird, right?

This year was especially hard, even the homework and work started hitting me so hard that I noticed that reality kicked in. "I'm going to be doing GCSEs next year. This was all coursework. This is just preparation for the real exams!"
"But... Is it really worth it? Am I worthy of doing it? Do I even have the knowledge to know these formulas? Why do I care so much to do this for an exam? Can I even make it?"

It's still running through my mind to this day.

Thoughts came in. Thoughts I wished did return. I... Wanted so much to end it. I wanted it to make me stop this feeling of anxiety...

I don't want to do this anymore.