TW// suicide ideation, talk of suicide, negative self talk, depression stuff

My depression is the highest it's been in a while, idk what to do. I can't talk to anyone and it's getting harder and harder to do this. One of my only reasons for living is gone and I don't know if she's ever coming back, my family and religion are the only other reasons and I don't know how much longer I can hold out, none of my friends would even notice/care so what's the point of trying to stay here where I'm not wanted. I genuinely think I'm going to kill myself soon, I don't know if I want to but I have a day picked out and I guess when it gets to that day, we'll see if I'm brave enough to do it, hopefully things get better before then but the way it's been going I don't think it will. I just wish someone would like hug me or ask if I'm okay genuinely or something, but no one cares about me enough to do that and the two people who do (my mom and brother) I can't talk to about this kind of stuff, so I'm just stuck wallowing in my depression wondering when it'll end but not doing anything about it because I'm too much of a fucking piece of shit, watching everyone do things with their life while I'm just not wanting to be alive. I'm sorry to anyone who cares about me that you had the displeasure of knowing and for some reason caring about me, I love all of y'all (even though no one is ever going to read this).