I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Everyone always tells me to find someone I can trust, someone who'll be there for me when I need them to be. Someone who can try to understand what's wrong and tell me what to do to fix it. Someone I can rely on to be there when my anxiety or depression gets too bad. Someone who'll be my shoulder to cry on.

Who? Who the hell can be that for me? The only people who have ever done that for me are online. This community, these people that I know on here, you are the sweetest, kindest people I know. Hell, ever my best friend mocks me and makes fun of me. Everyone I know irl is a bitch to me. They mock my insecurities, they tell me I'm just exaggerating the truth, that I'm just too stupid to understand. They question every single word that comes out of my mouth, they make it their job to find fault in everything I say or do. They have decided I can't be right about anything, that they know more about me and what goes on inside my head than I do. I don't have any of these "real people" to be friends with. They all trash me, throw me to the dirt, mock me, or they ignore me when there's better people to be around. And I don't want to deal with it. I want one outlet, one person who knows the real me and what I'm really like, to trust. I want one person to continuously promise me I'm beautiful, even if only on the inside. I need someone to just agree with me, let me talk away all this stress and anger and sadness and pain that keeps me weighed down. I need someone to talk to me, to try to give me some self-confidence. Someone who won't pick on me and tease me. Because they all tease me, they all pick on me, and I'm always yelled at for assuming the worst from a person. I'm so sorry that their worst is all I ever get. I'm so so sorry that no one ever truly loved me. And I'm sorry I have to be seen with you.

And to everyone who's my friend on here, this isn't aimed at you. No, this is aimed at the "real people" I'm supposed to be associating myself with. You've all done nothing but helped me so much, you're honestly the only reason I'm still alive some days. So I'm sorry- to you, my cheeses. Sorry.