Hay! So, I have good news and bad news. Good news is I'm still alive, yay! Please note the fucking sarcasm. And that brings the very extensive bad news.
I'm a terrible fucking person. I love you all so much, and so many people have told me how they look up to me, but I don't deserve any of it. I'm failing every aspect of life. I relapsed my past problem (scratching myself with the edge of a credit card) and I've been a terrible girlfriend. I never get to be on to talk to my girlfriend or my friends or my fans. And by choice. I just- I've lost the lust for making others happy. I'm doing bad in school and I can't finish a single fucking one shot. I know you'll all say "just take a vacation" but I don't deserve a vacation. I've lost my motivation for life and I've just become the shell of what I once was. My head's throbbing because I'm super sick but my mother doesn't care. So I'm left to fight these demons -physically, mentally, an emotionally- on my own. I've got a voice all too similar to my own telling me I'm not worthy of anything. I can't finish my homework anymore. I've only got one honors class this year. All this stress is just building and building. This one fucking guy has been non-stop flirting with me EVEN AFTER I TOLD HIM IM DATING SOMEONE! And that's why I relapsed. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if he saw what I truly was he'd back off. But I only scratched twice, because Danie popped into my head. Yeah, that fucker may not like his girls suicidal but I couldn't put Danie through the pain of thinking she'd failed because she wasn't there for me. I just couldn't do it. Usually I'd have a whole like 3" by 3" square of just scratch marks. But Danie saved me. She stopped me. And so I stopped myself with her face. I love that fucking girl to death you know. I'd take a bullet for her any day, I'd take years of torturous pain if it meant she was safe. She truly deserves better than me, better than someone who can barely talk to her and can't be there to hold her when she's crying. She deserves someone real, someone she can see and live and kiss and hug. And I can't be any of that for her.
So I'm so fucking sorry for not posting. I can't get the words out, ya know? I don't have the time or focus or energy anymore. Holy shit pain, fucking vertigo!
I'm home now, I had to leave school because of the pain.
Now I'm on the way home from school the next day. IN MY FUCKING APOLOGY RANT I DO THE SAME FUCKING SHIT! I'm a monster. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you guys. You guys are too good for me. But I won't leave. Because you all seem to love me for some unknown reason. Thank you for that. I don't deserve this, no, but I do love you all for it. It keeps me in one piece, because you prove that I still have a purpose. I can still inspire people. I can still save lives. I can do more than fuck up. Thank you all so so so fucking much for believing in me.

I love you all forever and always!!!
Until next time, Peace my cheeses. <3

Also, FYI the chapter I posted before this was from the 4th of September. How times change.