Warning! May be triggering! Contains: talk of cutting, anorexic activities, and suicide. Please DO NOT READ if any of those things are triggering to you. My rant is not worth your safety.

Alright. So, I'm gonna tell you guys something, and I kinda need your opinion on it. So, um, where to begin. Well, let me start with a slight explanation. I have this, issue I guess, where if I'm left alone with my thoughts, my head will start telling me a story. In the past, this had been things like one shots, or maybe a long story that would draw out for days. But recently, I've been in a darker state of mind. Aka, I'm depressed. Well, these stories always relate to my mood. So these stories have been really dark and upsetting, and about me and my friends. So today, on the bus ride home, I zoned out and this happened:

Basically, my whole school was gathered in the theater. And we were having this thing where whomever wanted to come up and talk about depression, and bullying, could. Well, I walked up on stage and started talking. And these kids in the audience, the ones who bother me, started making snarky (snotty, smart-ass) comments and laughing at what I was saying. So, I snapped. "Haven't I been through enough?! Haven't I done enough for you?! I've bled for you, I've starved for you, I've tried to overdose for you!" I had said, none of which being true irl (yet). "But it was never enough for you. You just keep pushing me, and pushing me, and now, I'm gonna do the best thing I can do for you." I shakily pulled a gun out from under my sweatshirt and shot myself in the head. Then I watched as A, a close friend of mine, burst into tears in the audience. I also watched Kid start a fight against some guy who still picked on me, and it was a fight he couldn't win. And that last bit kept playing over and over in my head. And then I forced myself out of it because I had almost started crying. And I couldn't cry on the bus because then it shows them I'm weak. And my problem is that I've been lying to my mom about this, and I've been telling her that I forget what it was about because I don't wanna explain it to her. What the hell can I do? If I tell her what's been happening, she's gonna either 1-tell me to go to the guidance counselor (my problem with that is a rant for another day) or 2-send me to a mental asylum. I hate both of those options, so I need help. Do I continue to lie to her or like, tell her the truth and hope she doesn't freak out? Could you help me please?

That's all, Peace my cheeses~!