Alright. So, first things first, I GOT A GIRLYFRIEND! Her name is Danie aka EnderInfinityYT and I love her to death. Literally, I might not understand how love works, but I know I'd take a bullet for her. I WUB U DANIE <3 (don't steal that, it's our thing). How she asked me out is in the media :D

Now onto the reason I actually made this rant. Well, how does one begin? With explaining of course. So, as some of you may recall, I was/am part of a group called the SideChicks. It's complicated, just go with it. And within that group, I found a home. A place where I was happy and carefree. And then the banter turned dark and more depressing. Then some people did things they shouldn't have and we disbanded. But for some fucking reason, we ended up back with each other. Bonds were reformed and I was happy again for a while. And then shit began to slide downhill, at least for me. Vic and Megan left the fandom, so I don't really have anything to talk to them about. Em keeps leaving for reasons I don't know or cannot share. Lucy and Moose aren't on anymore. And so that leaves me alone with sweet little Rosie and my beautiful Danie to bond with. Don't get me wrong, I love them all as if they were sisters, I just feel like I'm unwanted. All I ever do is fuck shit up. I make jokes I later realize I shouldn't have (although they say it's fine I know it's not), I seem to avoid conversations unless Vic or Em are hurt/ Rosie is on, and I'm just forgotten I feel like. As if I don't matter. I'm not saying I should matter, but they don't care about me disappearing or going silent unless I leave the damn chat. And then my irl best friend is fucking using me as well so I just don't fucking know anymore! I feel like with Danie or Rosie are the only places I'm safe. Yeah, there's occasional banter with Bunny over Insta or Final when Rosie breaks the feels, but it's not the same. I used to feel loved, wanted. And now I feel useless. In my time of the most need everyone has bailed on me. And I fucking hate it.
Worse part is I don't wanna bother Rosie about it and my lovely Danie is on vacation and is rarely on rn. I just- I just can't. Worse part is my mom is pushing me because school starts soon and my meds stopped working when we upped the dosage and I'm exercising regularly which is painful and my little brother has turned into a bitch and I can't tell anyone irl about Danie and I just- I quit. With people, with life. I'm trying to write for you guys, I really am. But I'm so exhausted on so many levels right now that I'm struggling to live. I'm nearly passing out all day because I'm staying up til like 12 and waking up at 6. I've done better with only two hours of sleep! So why now? Why is everything collapsing now? Why does everything have to attack me as soon as I find someone who makes me really happy?