Ha, gaaaaaayyyy
Yes I named the chapter that bc this is me kinda ranting about me being hella gay right now
Okay so first of all, I am Bi, but I do like girls more the dudes, so a lot of the time I'll go "too gay for this shit" because I do feel more attracted to females then males.
That doesn't mean I don't like dudes, but I'd honestly rather date a female other then a male.
Now that that's out of the way, since high school I've definitely felt waaaay more gay than ever.
I've had, I think like three, girl crushes this school year, and I've had.... zero guy crushes this whole year, besides celebs and a few guys I'll look at and go "he look nice"
Anyways, this first girl, she's a sophomore, and she is reeeaaaaallllllyyy nice looking
Which sounds bad
But she is.
Anyways, I had a class with her, and we take the same bus.
So I would look at her, be like "She's really pretty" and it was like that for a month.
That's it.
Second crush, way more complicated, like that was a mess
I questioned like everything.
Everything.
This was a uh..... baaaad time.
I was soo depressed then too
It was.
A mess.
Anyways on to third crush.
So third crush is this girl I'm good friends with, which makes this harder but oh well
She's real sweet, we have a lot in common, we share a birthday, we have a shit ton of references, and it's just... it's a pure friendship.
But she's on of those up and personal people
Which makes me think "hm well is she flirting or is she... being herself...?"
But I also had this dream
It was of her and I
and we
We owned a bakery.
That's it.
Just pure.
But my cat woke me up so I only got a little bit of it.
But it made me think.
Like, I want that to happen.
I want to own a stupid little Bakery with this person
Which is weird bc I'm 15 and I shouldn't be thinking about who I want to spend forever with
But
I want that.
I used to have this code that I only wanted to live till 25, then call it off.
But now
I wanna grow old with some girl I have a theatre class with.
Which
Is new
I have a twenty one pilots lyric in my head now
"I used to say I wanna die before I'm old but because of you I might think twice"
Which s what I'm feelings.
Which is new.
So
Yeah
Enjoy my gayness
Both gay being happy and gay being... well gay.
Skeet Yeet
See y'all later
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