Right after I told Vincent.

Anyways!

I am doing the quest line for Dawnguard, going over to this area where the vampires are and whatever. I was going to originally just walk, but after 10 minutes decided to check my map. The marker, showing where I need to go, was on the other side of the freaking map. So, being lazy and irratible, I decided to fast travel to what I assumed would be closest to it and a place I had already quote on quote "discovered". Aka, I went to Skyborn Altar. It says on the map when I hover over the icon with the cursor that I already cleared it, meaning I learned the word for a new shout in the Thu'um and whateves. So, I thought it was a place that I had been to recently, but BOY WAS I WRONG. I got there and looked around and was like "Oh, this isn't what I was thinking", and was checking that I had actually gotten the word (because I'm stupid and forget) when my controller vibrated and the ground rumbled, followed by a deafening roar and an unexpected incline in the choir singers and orchestra, because a frost dragon flew right over my head. (Hello, mother fucker) Well, naive little me had thought that I killed the dragon in the area already, or at least this one wouldn't be so hard. I equipped my Dawnbreaker sword and my Dragonbane sword, both one handers, and yelled "bring it". The dragon decided to be a prick and fly around, so I was forced to resort to my Elevn Bow of Expelling (for expelling Daedra, whomp whomp) and the Fire Breath (real original) Shout to fight the airborn dinosaur. Pretty much what happened was I kept shooting above me and missing the dragon, ultimately watching the arrow turn and head straight back down into the front of Volsung, my Dragon Priest mask I currently have equipped. Or, the arrow would flop ungracefully onto the ground 3 feet away from me because I let go of the attack button too soon. After a few minutes of annoyed groans and frusturated grunts, I was relieved to see the dragon land, re-equipping the two swords and running at him. But, the scaley shit said "Nope" and took flight again. I was forced to try and shoot him with my bow until he eventually landed, again. At this point, I had (pause) had enough with the ice brained beast and ran full speed at him, giving my best battle cry reduced to like a quarte of its full volume to avoid being vollied by Grandma's nagging passive agressive comments to be quiet. Well, guess I didn't realize that his stanky ass breath actually HURTS ME, like PHYSICALLY HARMS ME, until I saw my health bar reduced to an inch of red. Yelling slightly, I opened my inventory and went to potions, drinking the regular health potion I had (50 points) and like 2 minor health potions. Figuring that would be good enough, I returned to my battle with the roaring retard until once again I was in need of healing. Grumbling and shifting on my makeshit "gaming bed", I had to drink a vigourus healing potion or whatever, 2 or 3 for full health. This happened once more until I was out of healing potions. I quickly resorted to eating food, mashing the A button on my 67 green apples like no tomorrow. I had recently put away all of the cheese wheels in my house in Whiterun, and was peeved at myself for doing that, recalling the remark I made while putting them in the end table beside my bed. "I'm going need these later and hate myself for it, huh?" Yeah. I've never felt so right since I felt left. Anyways, a few more times of eating apples and potatoes, I finally killed the damn dragon, my grip tight on the controller, palms sweaty from the anxiety and fingers shaking on the analog sticks from adrenaline and overwhelming emotion mixing in my body to create a very, very, dangerous teenager. I checked the dragon and got his scales and bones, as well as 1, ONLY 1 arrow, some other crap thing I don't remember and a Dwarven Dagger of Despair, which was a real nice touch. I had even said: "You better give me something good for all that effort" as I searched him. Afterwards, I began to worry a little that Benor, my current follower, had died during the fight, and was looking for him when I saw a body. I cried out: "No! Benor!" And rushed over, just to scowl when it was some other random adventurer. Literally. Adventurer. DEAD adventurer. I checked his corpse and was disgusted, LEGITIMATELY DISGUSTED to recieve a MINOR HEALTH POTION AND A REGULAR HEALTH POTION. YOU KNOW, LIKE 25 POINTS OF HEALTH AND 50. BITCH, PLEASE. I just fought an ice dragon, atop the world's boner, this frigid mountain side covered in a pile of snow, my ass freezing inside my Blades armor set, all my good food eaten, my potions drank, my follower pressumed dead, and the skeletal remains of the dragon I killed whirring as I sucked the soul out of 'em. That last part isn't nessessarily bad but COME ON. You think this little gods damn Tylenol is gonna help in my next battle?! Whoops, I tripped and scrapped my knee on an arrow (I had to reference it somehow), so I'll use a band aid and this freaking POTION OF MINOR HEALING. Thank you, Adventurer. Thank you so much. Thank you as much as I thank whoever freaking reads this to this point and understands my pain. Hm? I actually mean a thank you to them? Yeah. The only thing I can thank you for is dying here so that the dragon can piss on your decaying corpse while I take his gold and walk away. Seriously, Skyrim. Give me a little more of a reward than that.

P.S. Benor is still alive, somehow. I think he slid down the mountain a little during the battle and was able to escape the mighty jaws of the cold blooded wannabe bird.

I think I might make a rant book JUST for Skyrim. Maybe.