HAPPY NEW YEAR *throws depressing poetry at you*

Before I get into it, do you have any New Years resolutions?

I have a few, including: eat better, make some new friends, come out to my dad, be happier with who I am and be more assertive by defending my opinions more.

Onto the depressing poetry. I'm warning you now, they aren't very happy and may have the potential to trigger some people.

I  T R I E D

I tried
I tried to write poetry
But I didn't know what it meant to me
Now I'm back at the beginning

I tried
Following the flow
Make sure people don't know
Now I'm back at the beginning

I tried
To wear your shoes
They don't fit, no matter what I do
Now I'm back at the beginning

I tried
To change
I want to start again
But I always end up in the same place
The same beginning

———————————————

D A R K N E S S

Darkness
Wraps around me like a blanket
All I can see is a big red button
Calling, screaming
Game reset.

Darkness
It's tempting: I really want it
I want it like a kid wants candy
I reach for it slow and steady
If I press it will this place become lit?

Darkness
I'm all alone as I shout
I wish there were others
I hug my knees against my chest
As I mumble, please let me out

Darkness
My fingers tremble at the dead of night
Whilst I research things beyond our knowledge
What happens after we die?
What happens once we lose life's fight?

Darkness
If I stay quiet
Maybe they won't notice me
Hush...
I don't want to start a riot

Darkness
I hear a distant wail
It sounds familiar yet it also doesn't
Do I know them?
I try to escape but I fail

Darkness
The button's the only option
I press it and find it's cold
The room envelopes in white
As my life become's undone

Light
A new hope; a new beginning
Maybe this time I can make it further
Another life to do it right this time
I'm in a game and I'll reset until I'm winning

———————————————

P R E T E N D E R

One moment it's everything
The next, nothing
One moment you want it
The next, you forgot it

One moment, it keeps you up at night
The next, help you sleep, it might
One moment you dwell
The next, all is well

One moment, you're on top of the world
The next, you're crashing down
One moment, you can't stop smiling
The next, all you wear is a frown

Stop fighting: you don't have a weapon
Does it matter when you're fighting something without a body?
Stop fighting: you can't keep up
Does that matter when you're fighting your own thoughts?

Items once so innocent make you flinch
Don't you remember when a sharpener was just a sharpener?
A knife was just a knife?
Don't you remember that time of your life?

People that once helped keep you afloat
Are now the ones poking holes in the boat
The disapproving looks
You know how they feel
Even if they don't say it

A person once so innocent feels so worn down
Don't you remember being an innocent kid?
Playing with your dolls and cars?
Can't you remember that far?

Once upon a time, who you were didn't matter
But that's when they thought they knew
Then you threw their thoughts askew
And told them they don't know the real you

I just don't understand
Why me liking all genders matters to you
It's not going to hurt you
Stop looking at me like that
Your tone, it's so disapproving
I can tell from over here
Just say it to my face for me to hear
...you don't accept it right?

Don't pretend.
It hurts more that way.

———————————————

I finished reading a book today. It featured some poetry so it inspired me to try and write more poetry. These are the results. Sorry they're depressing but interpret them how you want.