01-02-21 2:16am

I hate the fact the I'm fucking useless I want to do shit I want to fix things I want to stop the hurt and I'm always trying trying to be better so I can make people happy trying to work harder trying to be there faster Turing be the person you want me to be and no matter how hard I try I can't ever be enough that shit hurts because I'm sitting here trying for you trying to get good grades and you say oh you could do better trying to make you smile and to make you laugh and to be enough for you and you sit there and tell me it doesn't matter that I can't do anything and it hurts me and then you run away from me you dont talk to me and the entire time I'm trying so hard for you for everyone so I can be enough but apparently my all isn't good enough I don't know that words I need anymore because I don't even care about me anymore I'm worried about everyone else in my life and no I can't fucking focus on me because everyone else because all I can think about is their hurt and that hurts me and I'm being selfish when all I want is to fix it I just wanna fix it and I want it to be better I want to make it better I'm trying but no one gets that and it's like when I say it people think oh that means I can't talk to you about my problems anymore but no because I don't want you to hurt I have to fix it but you won't even let fucking try you just take one look at me and decide nope she can't do it and I just have to do it I have to I'm losing my mind I can't find myself anymore and it hurts and I just want to be able to do one thing in my pointless pathetic life just one so I can rest I'm tired I'm mentally exhausted I can't breathe and I just need to do something so maybe I'll be enough I just want to be enough for someone because not matter what I do there's always something else wrong