(This is based off of my basic life thus so far, so it doesn't go very far yet. I am pre-T-shot without a binder after all.)*NOT HISTORICALLY ACCURATE*

Me: *was born female*

Mom: Oh look how cute you are! I'm going to name you (insert deadname here)!

Dad: *shrugs* She's cute I guess. Can I hold her?

~1 year later~

Me: *refuses to play with some of my girlier toys*

Dad: Okay, that's cool. Wanna play with my old Hotwheels? Spot can play too.

(Spot is my striped orange toy cat that I've had my whole life.)

Me: *nods happily* Yesh, Daddy.

~two years later~

Me: *cuts all of Barbie's hair off and puts Ken's clothes on her*

Dad: *arguing with Mom in the background*

Brother: *fast asleep*

Me(to the Barbie): I'm gonna call you...uh...Bobby. Yesh. Bobby is your name now.

Dad: Hey, Beano, wanna go get dinner with me?

(Beano/Beanbean/Peanut were some of Dad's nicknames for me)

Me: Yay!! Where are we gonna eat, Daddy?

Dad: I dunno, what do you wanna eat?

Me: Uh...DAIRY QUEEN! Yesh!

Dad: Dairy Queen it is then.

~a month later~

Dad helped Jackie(my mom), my brother and I move into my grandparents house after getting told he had to move to Texas for training by the U.S. Army.

~a year later~

Dad: *has divorced Jackie and started dating Nikki* *flies up to Washington and back to Texas after picking us up*

Nikki: *greets us at the baggage claim and gives Brother and I giant teddy bears and hugs* Hi kids! I'm Nikki, nice to meet you!

Me: Nice to meet you too Miss Nikki...

Brother: *waves at her a little bit*

Dad: Come on kids, let's get you home and into bed.

This was a huge turning point in my life because Nikki was much nicer than my own mother was. She let me cut my dolls' hair and play with all the boys' toys that I wanted. I felt loved and accepted, even if we were stuck in a one-room apartment for the summer all together until Dad and Nikki could afford to get a bigger house.

But the visits were only for the summer, sadly enough.

When we came back to Washington, Jackie looked slightly angry and sad. This was because I was wearing pants to church back in Texas and playing with boys' toys when I was "supposed" to be a girl.

I was only four years old! I didn't know any better!

~another year later~

This was the year I started school. In my kindergarten classroom, there was a gender-neutral bathroom and I was allowed to wear pants instead of a skirt or jumper dress as long as they were the colors of the uniform. I had learned how to kinda pee standing up and I always had my hair in a ponytail. This helped me feel kinda safe at school 

~two years later~

I transferred schools because the people on the school board couldn't be decent human beings and leave me in a school where I'm allowed to use a gender-neutral bathroom. Then I ran into problems. I was seen as the weird girl and I always sat near the back of the group when we were on the rug for story time. I hadn't seen my dad in over a year and it was starting to get to me.

~three more years later(in the last month of my fifth grade year, approximately two years after getting my first bra and "the talk" from Jackie)~

Me: *sees blood in panties* WELL SHOOT. *hastily tries to wipe the blood out and wraps the area where the blood was in toilet paper before waddling back to class* I HATE MY LIFE.

~sixth grade year~

(Think of me like I'm Alexander Hamilton from the musical)

Me: *meets my version of Angelica, whose name is Alyssa* You seem like the type who is never satisfied.

Alyssa: *falls in love with me* Why do you say that, I'm sure it's not so?

Me: You seem to hang out with everyone, but never stay with anyone for long. You're just like me, a loner, drifting numbly along by yourself, trying to keep up but never being interested.

Alyssa: Think of me as your girlfriend, we'll see if you're right. How about it?

Me: Hmmm, tell me all about you, where's your family from?

Alyssa: My mom and dad abandoned me to live with my grandma and grandpa, my grandpa is dead. My grandma is strict and forces me to take care of her horses. My brother is a lazy ass.

Me: Oh! My apologies, M'lady. My dad is married to my stepmother, they have two children and one on the way. They live in Tacoma. My mom is poor, my brother angry, we live in my grandparents house too, doll. My Nana is bedridden, my grandpa emotionally numb.

Alyssa: You never have enough, do you?

Me: But there is a million things I haven't done yet. Just you wait, the world will never forget me. I may never be satisfied until I die, then I'll be content.

~the very next year(after Alyssa moved to Michigan with her mom and I had five siblings)~

Alyssa: Hello?

Me: Miss Alyssa, pleasure to hear your voice again.

Alyssa: Hi, (deadname).

(I hadn't known that I was transgender yet)

Me: I'm sorry, darling, but I was right. I'm never satisfied. My dad took his family to live in Texas, leaving me to fend for myself. I'm touch-starved and I don't think I love you romantically anymore. Can we still be friends?

Alyssa: *breaks down over the phone* O-okay. Sure. *hangs up*

~a week later~

Me: *chilling in my Food Science class* *meets my version of Eliza, a girl called Alyson*

Alyson: I've never been satisfied before. Have you?

Me: I have never been satisfied with my life.

Alyson: What's your name?

Me: I'm (deadname). You?

Alyson: You really don't strike me as a (deadname). More like a Brian or Brianna or something.

Me: I'm flattered.

Alyson: Hi flattered, I'm Alyson. I'm a satanist.

Me: I'm an atheist. We fall in the same category.

~Valentines Day~

Alyson: Here. I don't really like these chocolates.

Me: Well I'm glad you came to me, I'll take them. It would have been a waste of perfectly good chocolate if you threw them away.:)

Alyson: *snorts* You're right. It would have been. :)

Me: *smiles while swallowing some of the chocolate* :)

~a week later~

Alyson: You know what. (Deadname), I like you a lot.

Me: Aw, I love you too. UwU 

~next month~

Me: *gets boyish haircut and donates hair to charity* Dad, I'm either gay or bisexual. I dunno.

Dad: Cool beans.

~that summer~

Me: WE'RE GOING TO TEXAS!!!! YASSSSSSSSS!!!!XD

Alyson: Well...have fun. You know that you can call me at any time, right?

Me: Yepperz!! I love you so much, Alyson. :)

Alyson: I love you too, (deadname). :)

~two months later~

Me: GUYS I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY I HATE MYSELF AND FEEL BROKEN.

Alyson, Alita, and Grace: wat.

Me: I'M FUCKING TRANSGENDERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Alyson: Cool. What do we call you?

Alita: Yeah, what do we call you?

Me: Imma just sleep on it and hope it comes to me.

~later that night~

Me: when i said sleep on it, i gotta admit that i wasn't thinking that i was gonna lie awake all fucking night. :(

~the next day~

Me: I'VE FIGURED IT OUT. MY NAME IS BUCKYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Grace: Cool. Now I have a new nickname for you. It's Baka.

Alyson: Grace, be nice to him. Have you come out to your dad?

Me: No. Not yet...I'm scared... :(

Alyson: Well, he already accepted you for being half gay. Why wouldn't he be accepting of you being trans?

Me: I dunno. :(

~two days later, in the middle of the night~

Me: i can't believe that i actually managed to come out to them. now i have to attempt to come out to jackie but i'm more scared about how she'll react.

~five days later, right before getting my hair trimmed~

Me: MOM, I'M NOT YOUR DAUGHTER. I'M YOUR SON.

Jackie: WHATDIDYOUJUSTSAYTOMEYOUSTUPIDWHORE.

Me: YOU FUCKING HEARD ME, YOU STUPID ASS BITCH.

Jackie: Go. Get. Your. Fucking. Haircut. I. Am. Not. Hearing. This. Today.

Me: Fine. I hate you.

That was two months ago. I still live in my grandparents house with my bio mom. My grandparents have no idea that I'm transgender. My mom and brother still call me by my deadname and she/her. But, Dad and Nikki are supportive of me and I'm still dating Alyson informally.

Sorry about the lighting and the portal to heaven in the background. I always look better in natural lighting. But here's what I look like now.