Sorry but this is just a rant about my shortcomings as a person.

Im usually optimistic about stuff, especially situations. I always try to look at the bright side and whenever theres a dire situation, i can trust myself to keep a level head and do the best possible thing. And im really proud of this.

BUT

That optimism for some weird reason doesnt extend when it comes to people, friends, in particular. Im the most pessimistic person anyone can be when it comes to that. In fact, all of my friends (i have a bunch) had a time period where i just didnt like them and was annoyed at their every action just for one of their tiny little flaw or two. And dont get me wrong, its not their fault at all, theyre all great, its mine.

And another thing is i really admire and respect people who can take a joke, be the butt of a joke (between friends, ofcourse) and brush it off, and ive idolized them and i wanna be like them. But the more i try, the more it seems wrong, the more it saddens me. The reason behind this i suspect is that i dont really know when a persons joking and when hes not, and the actual line between too far and just a friendly joke. Even if ive known him or her for long enough to know whether he or she is joking, my pessimistic mindset just assumes shes not and it hurts my feelings.

I just keep waiting for the perfect friend, the best friend who i wont ever be annoyed with and i realize that with this sort of mindset thats never gonna be possible. So one of my many new years resolutions gonna be to work on this.