I've always been scared of opening up. I would fear what people will think of me if I showed them the real me. It killed me inside to have people disappointed at me and it felt like seeing the real me would make them do precisely that. I hated it if I didnt live upto the expectations of people, it made me think as though I had failed them somehow, that I had let them down. Then theres my upbringing. My mother, for whom I've a lot of love and respect for regardless, has her flaws. Shes the most logical person I know, which is great and all, but logic cant always explain feelings. She also believes in being mentally strong, which I do as well, so it always felt like I was being weak if I admitted my negative thoughts to her. This caused me to never really talk about my feelings with her, and by extension other people as well. That's why I built these walls around myself and put on a face. I smiled through it all, even if I necessarily didn't feel like doing so.

This would hurt me a lot. I'd bottle up all of these negative thoughts and feelings that would eventually form into some nasty insecurities. It'd eventually become too much and I'd break down. I'd cover my head with my pillow and I'd cry myself to sleep. Then I'd wake up again, and pretend as if nothing had happened, pretend that everything was fine. Back to being who I was supposed to be, a level-headed responsible boy with some common sense. The cycle would repeat itself for months. Add the tension and stress of being a student with a busy schedule on top of that and you had the perfect recipe for disaster. My anxieties would sometimes fizzle up and make me have panic attacks where I had to tell myself just to breathe. It was not good.

But as time grew on I realized, opening up is pointless. Or rather, my fear of opening up was pointless. Most of the people in this world are obsessed with themselves and how the world sees them, just like me. Some of them are scared of opening up for the same reasons that I am, that the world wouldnt like the real them. In fact, we are so obsessed with how the world sees us that we don't even notice that everyone else is as well. They don't care about who we are or how we are just as we don't care about who they are or how they are. They're too busy caring about themselves and how other people see them and thats okay, thats human nature. In this world full of opportunities and people, we can only care for so much.

But when nobody cares, why be scared of what they think? Those who truly care you dont need to open up to. Why? They already know. Brick by brick, so subtly that even you don't notice it, they've tore down your walls. You need only talk to them and they'd understand. They've seen the real you, and they've accepted you for it. You can be yourself infront of them, and so can they. They're there for you when you need them, and you're there for them when they do. That is family, that is friendship, that is love, and it is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

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A/N: I don't know whether I wanna publish this or not. On one hand, I feel like its a great piece of writing but on the other, I feel like its a bit too real. I usually wanna keep things light and fun, as thats pretty much who I am most of the time. I wanna make people smile, i wanna make people laugh. But I guess this part of me does deserve to be mentioned. I am only human. I bleed when I fall down.

Hmmmm tell ya what, its 1:43 am at the time of writing this so I guess I'll sleep on it. Ill check it again in the morning after i wake up and if it doesnt seem too edgy or emo or anything, you ll read this as ill publish it. If it does look too edgy or emo, ill probably still have it saved somewhere so if you did not see this and you've just now found this while snooping around or something, stop it.

This? This is a video with a gorgeous looking guy (no homo) with a very nice voice singing a beautiful song about something kinda related to this topic. I would recommend checking it out if you wanna.