I hate this phrase so much. We see it everywhere today; songs, books, qoutes, movies etc etc. We eat it up so easily that we believe in it wholeheartedly and dont even think otherwise. Due to this, it also makes for a huge business and marketing opportunity. If we can buy it, we see atleast one thing of it selling the idea "Love Yourself". It sickens me how this blatant corportization of the phrase has made it so basic, so simple. It is portrayed in the media as the solution to all of your problems, the meaning of life yet at the same time, it rarely shows us how to actually fall in love with ourselves. Hell, most of the time its chalked upto "Just do it".

That is dangerous. That makes us spend so much time and energy attempting to do something that is, atleast in my opinion, next to impossible. To make it worse, we are even more devastated when we find that it in fact, does not work. We fail at falling in love with ourselves on command and we start feeling like it is because we arent deserving of love. Together with the widespread desensitization of the meaning of "depression" today, we fall right into its open arms.

Now, I don't wanna be misconstrued- depression and suicide are both indeed very real epidemics that are currently sweeping the globe but it is also true that most people today who are feeling down would rather say that they are depressed than just sad. This is largely due to the fact that there are people who will always oppose mainstream media no matter what. In this case, to oppose the media's message of "Love Yourself", depression and edginess is deemed "cool" and "fun" by them. While it may not be directly advertised as that, it is certainly implied. There are also other reasons for it, but that is the primary one and I would urge you not to put this into that bracket as well. These are not the words of an edgy lovesick fool but simply the words of a person who sees a problem and wishes to fix it.

For the people who are just sad, loving yourselves is gonna change nothing because the odds are that its not you that is the problem. It is most likely something that you are doing or someone else in your life. Hell, most of the time its just a phase- life has its up and downs. Loving yourself yet keeping bad habits or bad company isnt going to make you happier at all. As for the people who are actually depressed and suffer from various mental disorders, the words "Love Yourself" almost feel as though an insult. Their conditions are nowhere near as simple as those 2 words put together and they differ greatly from person to person. Just as love cannot cure cancer or mend broken bones, love cannot cure depression, whether it be yours or someone else's.

There is also an abundance of "self-help" content which is very easily made available to us. Now, I don't have a problem with the self-help genre, it can be genuinely helpful if consumed and practiced correctly. My problem is with how a lot of it has become extraordinarily commonplace and how a lot of them are consumed and practiced incorrectly or aren't credible in the slightest. A few of them seem shoddy as best. This is natural as theres always gonna be a few bad eggs in the market of a popular genre but thats where its common and ready nature of consumption becomes a problem.

There are many self-help blogs, many self-help channels that are ready to be consumed by us at the tip of our fingers. The amount of research behind these blogs and channels are sometimes next to none and often only life experience. Due to the humans species being both susceptible to influence and very gullible by nature, this leads us to believing and practicing many things which actually may not be suitable for us. Clickbait youtube titles such as "8 signs you may be depressed" also do more harm than good as the constant negative feedback makes us think we are worse than we actually are. Constant improvement of yourself, the message of almost all self-help content, can become tiring after a while and actually blind you of what you already have.

After all is said and done, you might say that I am just another person complaining about the problems of our society and not actually providing a solution to them and for the sake of not being a hypocrite, I'd say you're right. I have 0 credibility. I am just as confused or lost in this life as the rest of you are. So, instead of merely repeating the same pieces of advice I, as well as most of you probably, have read on the Internet, I'm gonna share my own personal journey and thoughts. Because, that is sort of the point, isnt it? We're all each different from each other so it makes sense that what works best for would also be very different. There is no easy fix, no easy way out. We all need to figure out what is best for ourselves and nobody can do it but ourselves.

This is only an example of what has worked best for me so far and you need not follow it.

We cannot fall in love with ourselves. We do not choose who we love and the odds are astronomical that we will. Love is also very fickle and it does not last forever. So I found it best for me that I don't and instead just focus on being honest with myself. I find it better if I know what I am good at as well as what I am bad at. It helps me keep a somewhat healthy estimation of my own abilities and it also helps me to pinpoint how I can improve myself. Of course, this isnt the perfect method, there are times when feelings take over the mind and honesty is forgotten but I can handle it most often than not. After all, life is full of highs and lows.

However, you can learn how to love yourself and others but it might not be in the way that you think. In my opinion, to love is to understand. To quote Orson Scott Card, writer of Ender's Game-

“In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves."

If we just attempt to understand other people and have the slightest bit of empathy, we can learn to love them. That is the kind of love you choose. This is also applicable when it comes to ourselves. We don't love ourselves because we dont understand who we are, who we're meant to be or what we're supposed to be doing. To truly know and understand yourself is to love yourself. Thats where I think being honest with yourself also plays a big part, but I too have a very long way to go.

Of course, that isnt gonna fix everything. In fact, its gonna fix next to nothing. But understanding the problem is first step to solving it, and only by solving it will it be fixed. But then again, life will always have both happiness and sadness. To want one without the other is to forfeit the joy of life.

That is about it for my experience but for one burning question in my mind-

Maybe instead of teaching people how to constantly try and be good enough for society, maybe we should teach people how to understand and accept themselves as well as others for who they are?

I hope my experience will help even a little bit towards your own journey. Thanks for reading!