I havent written anything for so long it feels like I cant write anymore. I've lost the habit of finding an idea, opening Wattpad and writing it down. Neither am at all sad so that I can write about my feelings. I dont need to vent, I dont have any sad thoughts to make something beautiful out of. I am happy and I feel like I dont need to do anything more to make it more beautiful.

But as nice as it may be, it also sucks and I dont like it. The things that I am most proud of have come from my lowest of lows. I am all too familiar with sadness and I managed to find a way to thrive off of it - THIS. I wrote them down in here and I poured my heart into it. Not only did it make me feel better but it was also productive. It meant that I was actually doing something and not wasting my time completely. It meant that I wasn't being a complete failure.

I've also lost the flow, as I've mentioned before. I got busy with other things which, if we're being honest, probably are more important and just forgot about writing for a while. During that time I've also discovered a number of less energy and time consuming activities to break up the monotony of studying. But after my exams ended, I just couldn't remember to write again. I continued on with the other activities and left writing be.

But I dont like that either. Writing can be fun. It is fun and I genuinely enjoy it, as well as it being productive. It shouldn't be dependent on my sadness alone. My happiness right now is just as temporary as my sadness is. It could be gone tomorrow for all I know.
However, the things which I write are not. They turn these temporary feelings into something more- memories for myself. They capture a part of me at a particular moment and preserve that moment forever. These moments should not be limited to only sad moments.

I need to learn how to write about happiness.