This is a song that I wrote to vent out my feelings towards friendships that grew cold.

July 10, 2008

Checkin' out for something tonight

Wondering if everything's alright

It's a bit cold I want to be warmed

Bit it seems so empty cause it really feels that

You've been so far away

So far that it's hard to see

I don't know what to do

I'm missing you so much but you

Seem to move away each day

And I don't know what to say

Are you still there my friend?

I hope you'd stay with me

Oh...

Holding on I hope it'll get by

Living on each day like everything's alright

Is it happy faking myself

Oh it feels so empty & I really feel that

You've been so far away

So far that it's hard to see

I don't know what to do

I'm missing you so much but you

Seem to move away each day

And I don't know what to say

Are you still there my friend?

I hope you'd stay with me

I'll let you go

Be what you wanted to be

Go soar up high and reach your goals in life

And I'll try to remain myself

Now that you're gone away so far away

I'm missing you so much but you...

I miss you, I'll miss you

I hope you'll stay

Author's Note:

I've noticed that this song had a message attached to it. I'm going to copy the words I said then. The ones inside the parenthesis is my reaction to what my past self wrote.

I went in my room and lie on my bed then I found myself singing the chorus with some of the message in the bridge part. And so, I made this song. It's well, a mix of emotions that I'm going through. (Oh dear, why the somber mood? I don't even recall why you wrote something like this)

Well I really do feel that way and no matter how hard I try if it's really not... It's hard faking things just to try to make things better. Maybe it's about time to go back to who I was before. Not much changing to do... just the quiet person... (I am still the quiet person. Lol. XD I still do that. Fake how I feel. I find it easier to deal with the frustrations in life. I guess the difference is that I found the one whom I could confide my feelings. However, I still go back to the old ways. Afraid to speak how I feel.)

It's just that I want to talk. That is all... And you'll... I mean I really need a very patient shoulder/listener. I know sometimes I'm a nonsense talking person. So? That's that. Maybe it's just so hard to understand me. Oh well... sighs (You should talk. Find someone else to talk to. Perhaps write about it. Like the song you've wrote. Once you get it out of your system, you will feel the relief.)

I just recalled something today.

Rani said, "Agparparigat ka nga agbalin jay maysa nga tao ket maamwam nga agparparigat gayam didjay nga tao nga tuladen ka."

Right on. You're trying to be that be person but then that person you're trying to be is trying to be you. What an irony! So there's nothing wrong being yourself. Be free. Life is like this, losing and gaining. Up and down. Push or pull...

It is so easy to say those things. It may be easy to understand but very hard to apply. Learning is not all taught after all. Only 20% is taught. Others learned through experience, friends and mentors... But most through experience.

But admit it. We were all "nice" at a point in our life. (I wonder what you meant with that nice enclosed in a quotation mark)

And did we/you/whatever had something to hold on to? If yes, then you have struggled or even maybe made it.

I am forgetting about my fleeting fragile hopes and dreams. This is how I feel

D own the ladder, stumbling, quietly pulled

R emaining in position, static, blocked

I n the shadows I stay waiting

F or a sign, a mentor, anything

T o my dismay nothing came only few remain

I realize that in this fragile life

N ot everything comes as is; you have to give it all

G o! Do it alone. It's not the road leading you but you lead the road

*Expecting is one way of hurting yourself.

(Wow! Some words you got there. I could see the rain clouds gathered round your head. It's okay now. Things have come to pass.)