Dear Lila,

    I froze again hearing your name. My boyfriend called it out when he was helping me clean out my room. He found an old family picture. We all stood around each other, laughing without a care in the world. It seemed like such a dull moment to have a picture of but I can't ever forget the smiles on all of our faces. I would love to see all of us together again, mom, dad, me and my brother all smiling. My dear Lila, I hadn't thought about you since I heard of your father's death. If this is reaching you, I'm sorry for not checking in. I was under the impression you had died with him. If this isn't finding you well. I'm sorry for what I've done and how much I changed. I just need you to know that I've changed a lot from what you knew. You wouldn't recognize me at all if we met up. You would hate this. You would hate me. The day changes and people change with it and that's all I'm doing. Changing with the fall of the sun. You have to understand that I'm doing this for myself and only me. No one has influenced this decision. This is what I was always destined for, your uncle was right. There was a darkness from me that I couldn't control.

    Yours truly,
Delilah

Dear Delilah,

    I'm glad to let you know that you are writing to someone. I promise you that I'm still here even when you haven't spoken to me in years. But here you are and now you're writing to me like I'm somehow important to you now. What about all those years you were disgusted to hear my name? The times you snapped at someone when you heard it? Delilah, what did you do? I've heard of the things you've done and what you've become. How could you go that far? You weren't supposed to go that far. Remember when you promised me, you wouldn't end up like him. Now here you are, in the same dark place as him and following his exact footsteps and after all this, I thought you had cleaned up and taken a stand for yourself. Now I'm told you just are hiding and shifting blame on others. I thought I knew you, and the person I knew wouldn't mindlessly blame others for her problems. And to respond about my uncle, does it matter if he felt darkness? We all are a little twisted inside. Delilah, I know you're better than this. At least I thought I did but I think you're proving me wrong with every passing day.

    Your ghost,
Lila

Dear Lila,

    I don't think you ever really knew me. Honestly, I don't even know if I know myself anymore. I'm now the villain of everyone's story. I think it's probably right to be this way. It feels a lot more natural. I don't know if I feel happy or if I'm just tired. God, I never thought it would happen but you're starting to sound more and more like your dad. I thought you had died with him and was just writing aimlessly. Maybe it would've been better if I would've just let you go when he died instead of trying to reconnect after these years. I should've let you go. Everyone has let me go. Everyone is gone and I have no one. I have one person left. I would say, you know what it feels like but I know you don't. You still have a way to actively contact your family and they'd answer in a heartbeat. You still have family to contact. My family is gone. All of them are gone and I'm all alone again.

Yours truly,
Delilah

Dear Delilah,

    I sound like my father? I'm not sure whether I should take offense to that or not. Even if I do, it doesn't matter. Maybe if you would've kept in touch then you wouldn't be all alone and you would know how I'm still alive and well after my father's death. But you're the one that didn't check in with me while I was stuck in the grieving process. Maybe that's how you grieve. Shoving everyone away and lashing out at the ones who care and try to comfort you, but that's not how I am. I tried my hardest to find some light in my life instead of just lashing out at everyone. I couldn't be like my brother but it is hard to keep everything under control when I never learned how to control these emotions at all. I'm hoping now you have a little bit better control over them, but maybe not. I don't think you do considering the news I've heard lately.

    Your ghost,
Lila

Dear Lila,

    I never responded to your last letter for months now. It's been sitting on my desk along with the others which are open with tear drops staining the paper. I read them all over and over again. I miss you. I miss the way we used to be. I've realized that I'm not happy with how I changed. Life was so much easier when I was sitting next to my dad and watching the breeze push through the trees. God, you were right. You never died with Dad. You stayed hidden away while the two of us grieved differently. I do push people away and I do lash out every time someone comes close to me to try and comfort me. I'm sorry that you were one of them that got pushed away. I thought it would be easier for me if I just let you go with him. You were a symbol of what he was proud of and that's not me. Even for a nickname, you're a whole different person than who I am now. I've caused so much pain and I don't know how to fix it. I should've never left you. I'm so sorry.

Forever haunted by you,
Delilah