no one cares. i thought about myself in the time the last chapter came out, im nothing. people say im pure and nice but im a dick and asshole. its no secret ive watched porn hub. most people my age and even younger have. people call me a slut and whore for dating people, they same i do it for fun. ill get pregnant and thats that. im called fat and pathetic. whenever i cry in fromt of people they watch me, then get pissed off, leavung me alone cry. no one comforts me like normal people would. this leads to my thoughts and actions, i cant be honest without being a liar. i cant be happy without being told something is wrong with me. i scare my own family by just walking, they forget im even around. people are so happy and i try to go along with it despite feeling nothing sometimes. i get called a asshole for stating my opinion, i get called a rude ass for not wanting to be touched or bothered. i try to be normal like everyone else but i get told im stupid and ugly, i dont care if its a joke or not, i think they mean it. i gave panic attacks when people im texting dont respond back in a hour, but if im gone for a hour or a few minutes i get a "lol did you forget to say brb or you feel asleep?" they dont think "he might be trying to kill himself" i dont get kindness only hate and insults. my 'friend' did that yesterday, she didn't panic like i do when shes gone for a hour or more without saying anything, im her first friend but im treated like shit. ill be over here crying because i have attachment issues, i sleep with stuff animals at night because im lonely. im 15 and i act like im 4 still, im crying and yet no one would care. i have thoughts of being alone and tortured, that one day ill be kicked out onto the streets and when i ask my friends to let me stay with them no one would care. i lie abour how i feel all the time a no one knows, i could be cutting myself right now and you wouldn't know, i could be hanging myself tonight and you wouldn't know. people only care once someone is dead, but who knows that could be a lie itself. im here for everyone but are they there for me? once i die will someone cry and wish they played more attention?