For a while now, I've had a complicated relationship with the LGBTQ community and labels. At the moment, I believe I am Bisexual. But, what I've come to realize, is that it's a bit more complicated than that.

When I first heard about the existence of LGBTQ+ identities, which I was introduced to by a friend, I immediately started to realize that I might not actually be straight. I started out identifying as bisexual, because I knew I wasn't entirely gay, but I also knew I wasnt straight.

I was then introduced to Pansexuality, and decided that might fit me better. And I was proud. I just loved the idea of having the capacity to love everyone. I was comfortable with that label until high school, where my first real relationship made me start to question things. Maybe truly being able to love everyone wasn't quite what it was, or maybe it was? I was confused.

(Going to be getting into some more mature topics here, because unless you're aro/ace, u can't talk about sexuality without sEx)

I soon realized it was sex that was throwing me off. I had never had any experiences, but I had ideas, and they were different than my ideas about romantic attraction. I had figured out that much. For that short period of time, I decided to identify as Bisexual Panromantic because it identified the difference in my sexual and romantic attractions. But in that time, something still didn't feel quite right. I felt invalid. Wrong. Weird.

Finally, I went back to identifying as Bisexual which definitely felt a lot better, but there was still something off. I didn't figure out the true complications of my sexuality until I was having a talk with my friend.

So here it is, guys, gals, nonbinary pals, a very convoluted description of my sexuality.

(Uh, warning, gonna talk about sex lol)

I mainly have crushes on guys. Like the deep, obsessive, fangirling about for months crushes on guys. In more proper terms, I am mainly romantically attracted to guys. The romantic attraction includes sexual attraction (as in extreme horniness lolololol), but the romantic attraction always comes first. There's never a "oh i'd f*ck, but nothing else" kinda guy for me. In fact, seeing random shirtless male strangers makes me genuinely uncomfortable. So, I exist somewhere on the scale of asexuality, demisexual, but only when it comes to guys.

Girls are hot! Girls are so freaking hot, but all of my crushes on girls are shallow. So, there's usually not an 'oh, i love her personality' kind of girl for me, it's usually an 'oh she's so hot and/or pretty' kind of crush and the good personality is an added bonus. So, this is where my bisexuality comes in; my sexual attraction to girls is hella strong. This does not mean I could never romantically like a girl, or date a girl because I genuinely love her and am not just friends with benefits, it just means it's unusual.

So, there it is! My sexuality is kinda all over the place, or 'on a scale,' which is I think is true for a lot of people.

One thing I want you all to take out of this is that we need to normalize not labeling your sexuality. I don't want anyone else to have the kind of feelings of self hatred, disgust, and invalidation I did just because you can't find a label you fit properly. The label is truly for other people, and no matter what people say (in the community or out) you do not need a label to make you valid.

You are beautiful or handsome and amazing and valid no matter what your identity is. (Unless your a yucky pedo, of course.)

Happy coming out day, you wonderful people. Love you all.

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