(TW//School Trauma,Self harm,Mentions of biting ones self,Mentions of banging ones head on objects,Mentions of wanting to commit Suicide,Mentions of self hatred)

Ya'll,I hate school.
Not for the reason you'd think.
It started in 5th grade. I was accidentally too loud and got into an argument with my Aide for that. As punishment,she tried to take my Warrior Cats bok away. I really,really,REALLY liked Warriors back then,so naturally I tried to stop her. I ended up slamming her finger in the desk. I don't know what happened immediately after,but,I was taken into the room next door which was empty and was yelled at for what seemed like hours by another teacher. I remember I felt so guilty about it. I remember I was crying so hard about it. And I went home like nothing ever happened. I still feel guilty about this. It's my fault. All of it mine. I remember I wanted to kill myself after for like around a week or so? I don't honestly remember. After that,I got into many more arguments with many of my aides. One of my ways of dealing with stress was to hurt myself. Biting myself,hitting my head,etc. Never cutting. That low I would never stoop to. And yet,most days when they put me down to my lowest,I went home like nothing had ever happened to me. Like that day was a regular day. I should just suck it up. Other kids have it worse than me. I should just do as I'm told. Maybe the pain will stop if I do. But,I can't. Maybe it's because I don't want to. Maybe it's because I fear becoming a robot. But,fact of the matter is,I'm a deeply troubled gal who is waaaay to wise for her own good. And to think this all happened because of my mental illness.

I fear I might have way more than just autism some times. I fear I have alot of mental disorders that make me think I'm always the victim. I'm not. I'm always at fault.

I̸͇̓͐́M̸̪̦̻̈́ ̴̣̜̓̓͝T̶̢̹̹̓̒Ḣ̵̗̝̠͝Ę̴̉̄ ̴͍͂̀B̴̳͑̐̌A̸̫̒D̴̮̾̑ ̵̧̡̚Ģ̸͉͓̒̉͆Ǘ̷͈͈̈́͘Y̴͇̤͆̀͝ ̶͔́̑͠İ̸͋̕ͅÑ̷̬̖̾ ̵̰̫̰̾͂̔M̴̺̻̤̽͑͝Y̵̩͐̀͛ ̵̧̹̞̉̽Ö̷̹́W̴̳̾Ņ̴̰̫͘ ̶̖͖̆S̷̡̘͍͝T̴̟̂̍O̸̧̠͎̎̍͠R̷̥͗̓̕ͅY̷̻̼͆͑.