"what if"

what a simple phrase

yet so powerful and life giving

or life depriving

with two small words, someone's world could go up or down

"what if i could make that date tomorrow?"

"what if i got into that college?"

"what if i can become a singer? what if i can follow my dreams?"

and with one flip, they turn

"what if i could've done better? what if he had stayed?"

"what if i wasn't such a jerk? what if i actually shared my emotions?"

"what if i'll never make it? what if i'll become a failure"

simple

yet powerful

thoughts such as these run through our heads like tornados or heavy winds

tossing, turning, flipping our minds upside-down

our lives become collections of "what if's" and "what could have been's"

we become stuck in the rut of what if

what if

~

sorry that was short and crappy but i tried to capture a feeling idk this poem was bad

well anyways

today was another day of bad stuff

so it was again really great in the morning as usual because church and stuff and it was a dude's bday yayayayay

anyways i starting to get really tired afterwards but i had a lunch thing so i couldn't really fall asleep but then some people kinda made me mad a bit so ugh

but then i got prayed for so that was nice

anyways i got home and all got boba woot woot and so life was good

and then i started watching youtube and i procrastinated so hard ugh what the heck is wrong with me?!?!?!!??

and now i just feel sick because i got this horrible cough and it's bugging me but my parents don't really care anyways i started reading this book called "we all looked up" by tommy wallach and it's really good i recommend it

anywho that book has really hit me

it's so relatable and i especially relate to one of the characters named anita who dreams of becoming a singer but her parents are serious tiger parents and only think of her as an "investment" and make her get good grades and get into like princeton or else

and i just started thinking

what have i done with my life?

am i just an "investment"?

am i really happy?

am i even like elevating my writing or just degrading it?

what if i don't make it to anything ever? what if i don't get to show people the importance of diversity or what if i don't ever make a difference in the world?

what if i can't ever get out of this hole of like sadness and procrastination and all that bad stuff?

and it kinda sucks because i just fell into this ditch again of like doubts and i hate it so much but i feel like i can't do anything about it and it just comes every sunday - monday and i hate it soooooo much

but i just like can't

so yeah

i might take a small break from wattpad one day sorry

there isn't going to be any pics tonight because i'm really tired of everything right now so yeah sorry yall

updates coming soon for SUPERHEROES and PARTY TATTOOS

byeeeeee