Sad Smiles

You look my way with that dazzling grin

I swear it's like I'm blinded by your light

And blindly in love I walk a tight rope so thin

The path to your heart that fades towards the end of sight

It's broken and weak and it was never there

I know it but I still fight to get to your faraway heart

I meet your twinkling gaze with a desperate stare

And though you're my light, I could never brighten my dark

I know I'm breaking to the point where I can't bear

But at least you're here

Not with me but with her

The sweet nothings you tell her I hear

But I will always be your helpless lover

With a mind like a blank slate

Smiles that'll never be anything but fake

Words that'll never mean more than this heartbreak

I'll always be here for your sake

I thought if I told you I'd be fine

That we'd be okay and you'd be silently mine

I thought if I said it we'd be closer

Never did I think it'd lead you to her

It's okay if my sadness makes you happy

I'm fine if my heart's your entertainer

I'd never want you to think I'm unhappy

You can't make me surrender

I admit, now I'm lost

I'm broken but I'm staying together

I'm in pain but I smile a lot

Is this what being on the verge of death feels like?

Like you know you're breaking, but you're still there to suffer the pain?

Like you know you're gone, but somehow life expects you to fight?

Like you've lost everything, yet there's nothing more to gain?

If I never told you

If I wasn't me

If I was normal

If I wasn't stupid

If you weren't you

Maybe I'd be smiling like you still do.

A/N: Before you say anything, this wasn't written from the heart so don't worry! I haven't gone through that much of a heartbreak yet - it's just an exaggerated projection of how I really feel, for experimental purposes. xx - PBJ