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Help me I love these motherfuckers-

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Ajax: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Ayuna: A doll.
Cressida: A cinnamon roll.
Alexander: A sweetheart.
Ajax:
Ajax: ...stop it.

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Ayuna: Where is Cressida?
Alexander: I'll do you one better, who is Cressida??
Ajax: Here's a better question, why is Cressida?

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Ayuna: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Alexander: *crouches down*
Cressida: *kneels down*
Ajax: *sits on the floor*
Ayuna:
Ayuna: I hate all of you.

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Ayuna: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Cressida: Not if they consent to it.
Ajax: Depends on who your stabbing.
Alexander: YES??!!?

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Ajax, pointing to the wall: What color is this?
Alexander: Gray.
Cressida: Grey.
Ajax, turning to Ayuna: Now tell them what color you think it is.
Ayuna: Dark white.

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(

Just idiots being idiots)
Ayuna: Die.
Cressida: Please don't die!
Ayuna: DIE!
Cressida: PLEASE DON'T DIE!
Alexander, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?
Ajax, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Cressida wants Ayuna to accept it as their kid.

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(

Cause Ayuna is the smallest)

Cressida: *is hugging Ayuna*
Ajax: Hey! It's my turn to hug Ayuna!
Ajax: *grabs Ayuna*
Alexander: *kicking down the door* What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot!
Cressida: No, It's still my turn!
Ayuna: *suffocating* Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly!
Ajax: But we need the moral support!
Cressida: And you're small! Which is cute!
Alexander: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning.
Ayuna: *close to tears* Well- I, I guess.

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Alexander: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.
Ajax: Weight loss? Drink water.
Cressida: Clear skin? Drink water.
Ayuna: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

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Ajax: I just want someone to take me out.
Alexander: On a date?
Cressida: With a sniper gun?
Ayuna: Both if you're not a coward.

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Cressida: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Alexander: You are my reward.
*meanwhile*
Ayuna: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Ajax: True, you can be really difficult at times.

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Ayuna, Ajax & Cressida: *screaming*
Alexander: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Cressida?!
Ayuna: Wait, why are you asking Cressida that when Ajax and I are also here?
Alexander: Because Cressida wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

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Ajax: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Alexander: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Ayuna: A realist sees a freight train.
Cressida: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

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Alexander: You know you can die from that, right?
Ajax: *smoking a cigarette* That’s the point.
Ayuna: *drinking alcohol* We’re trying to speed this up.
Cressida: *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding*

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Cressida: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?
Ajax: Strong.
Ayuna: Weak.
Alexander: An idiot, is what your are.

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Alexander: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??
Ayuna: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Ajax: Why were you microwaving a lemon???
Ayuna: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.
Cressida: Did you burn an orange too? How???
Ayuna: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

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Alexander: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.
Ayuna: The cow??
Alexander: What?
Cressida: Ayuna, W H Y?

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Cressida: You have friends and I envy that.
Ajax: You're welcome to share my friends.
Cressida: *looks at Ayuna and Alexander*
Cressida: I don't want those.

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Alexander: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Cressida. They're mad at you.
Cressida: No, it's Ayuna. They're just being gramatically correct!
*meanwhile*
Ayuna: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.
Ajax: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.
Ayuna: I stand by my choice.

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Ayuna: What’s it like being tall?
Cressida: Is it nice?
Ajax: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Alexander: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

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Ayuna: Hey, I say we go down there, kick Alexander’s door in, and let them know that we’re in town.
Ajax: That ain’t the way we do things here. We may have to go in there and run a con, drop a bug, do the smooth talking.
Ayuna: Okay, you come with me, you do the smooth talking, let’s go.
Ajax: No, we just can’t go in there and kick down Alexander’s door. We need a plan.
Ayuna: Well who makes the plans?
Ajax: Cressida.
Ayuna: Cressida, what's the plan?
Cressida:You guys are gonna go down there, kick Alexander’s door in, let them know you’re in town.

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Cressida: Ajax, we're hungry!
Ayuna: Ajax! What's for dinner?
Alexander: We're hungry, Ajax!
Ajax, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*

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Alexander: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out.
Cressida: Fucking Ajax and Ayuna were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting

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*In a horror movie situation*
Alexander: I've got no service in my phone here.
Cressida: Shoot, my battery just died.
Ayuna: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.
Ajax: Guys, my phone is a book.

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Ayuna: My stomach growled super loud in French.
Ayuna: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Cressida: Bonjour.
Alexander: Le growl.
Ajax: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

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Alexander: We need to distract these guys.
Cressida: Leave it to me.
Cressida: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Ajax & Ayuna: *immediately begin arguing*

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Ajax, teaching Cressida to drive: Okay, you're driving and Alexander and Ayuna walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Cressida: Oh, definitely Ayuna. I could never hurt Alexander.
Ajax, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

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