Idk if this is kind of a vent or not but I might as well talk about some situations that I have no idea how I even got into them. Also just a little warning, some things here include abuse and violence and shizz that might make some of y'all.

This is basically to get somethings of my chest before my birthday and the new year comes. I want to start the year off good- so I'm going to empty my thoughts about my past traumas and problems here.

When I was around 3 years old. I think I got jealous of my baby sister or mad at her- because I bit her leg xD ngl I thought it was kinda funny looking back at it now but I do feel kinda guilty :/

Uhm- in 3rd grade I had to stay at a babysitter's daycare or whatever- There was this violent shit- I mean- boy who was around my age, maybe older or a year younger? Either way- almost everyday, I received a beating from that kid. I literally had to hide from this kid the moment I got there and my mom was gone. Idek what I was supposed to do at that time. I always kept my mouth shut because I always felt guilty for telling on some kids. I can't remember if it was him or a random girl that pulled my shirt down to look at my chest- I hated that daycare. I always prayed that my grandpa would watch me and my siblings for the day, because he was a pretty cool grandpa.

Moving on- the bullying got so bad for me in school that year that my teachers had to watched the older kids in the back, specifically the 7th and 8th graders :/

In forth or 5th grade, I caught my 'friend' , WHO WAS A YEAR YOUNGER THAN ME, sending pics, of her in her bra, to her 'boyfriend'. Like- what the hell has happened to the children these days??

Then....oh fucking damn, a boy had asked me to date him on Valentines day. Now I mentioned him several times but- I think I should be a little more specific for those who don't know about him. Being the stupid and oblivious bitch that I was- I accepted the offer. I think he groomed me, or whatever it's called, by giving me money and all sorts of gifts and shit. Not even a month into our relationship, and this dick was online dating several chicks that I had to talk to after I caught his lying ass. AND- he was trying to date my best friend to split us apart! Now, I assume this man never had a chick break up with him first, because this man was trying hard to get me back. This man, probably a soon-to-be pedo (because he was into lolicon), tried to date me for 4 FUCKING YEARS. I kid you not, this man REALLY wanted me, and I still don't know why- all the other girls he date are just like me! I'm not that different from them? Was it because I had grown too timid or too harsh? IDK. In 7th grade, my wonderful science teacher knew I didn't like this kid- yet she had him sit next to me anyway because of the lack of places to put the 'bad kids' since our class was horrible. This was the year where this man was WAY TOO TOUCHY WITH ME and he was waaaay too nasty. Nasty as in, watching porn in the class room, while I am trying to work. So- I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable, therfore I will only tell you where he was the most touchy. (I really wished I had told my parents about 7th grade- but I'm still kind of a coward) My hands (mostly), my back, my arms, and my hips- basically he chose to touch my most sensitive or weak places (weak as in- not something I want to use to defend myself with). Basically, this man is a textbook definitely of a neckbeard (he looked like one. His hygiene was bad as one), if you don't know what that is- look it up. 8th grade was basically the year where he stalked me and basically ended some of my relationships, and was trying to get me and my 2nd ex boyfriend to his 'dom parents', which freaked me the fuck out. But- in the end, I got to put an end to this asshole's predator and prey game- Thanks to my art teacher (she's a sweetheart), ex girlfriend (also a sweetheart), my twinny and her friends (we're not actually twins- we just are a lot like one), my childhood friend and his friends (he's a really awesome guy, I miss him), my wing girl (she's a queen and a bisexual cupid), and my very hippy-like bestie. I love all of these people and I appreciate them for their help and support, I miss them so much!

Ngl- I'll take my chances with the kid who beated the shit out of me everyday, over an obsessive perverted dick.

Moving on to my 2nd ex. I have mixed feelings about him. He tells me about how bad life is for him at home and how his dad beats him up every day, it makes me feel really bad for him. But... it might be me and my trust issues..but I think he was lying to me. He tells me about this depressing stuff everyday and he also talks of wanting to take his life everyday. And everyday that we spent talking to each other over the phone, I would have to convince him other wise because it would scare the shit out of me. I never see like- bruises or anything...so it made me feel like something was off... I may be wrong but I'm sure that he was saying and threatening all this scary shit..just to get me to show love to him more. Hell- I started giving him presents and drawings to see if that would help. Then..he would pull these horrible 'pranks on me' where he would threaten to break up with me, and I would literally be crying out of fear and sadness, and then say that it was a prank and shit. It was so hard to tell if he was serious or not, the man even told me to go back to the asshole that ruined my middle school life as a 'prank'. WHO DOES THAT? WHO TELLS A VICTIM TO GO BACK TO THE PREDATOR?? I'm just glad I cut him off when I did though, looking back at the texts he sent me, I had a gut feeling that I wasn't ready for my 2nd ex and that I shouldn't date him.

Now...I'll admit..I've done some toxic things myself, to my ex girlfriend mostly... But, I regretted doing those things so badly. When I saw her break down (because of some personal family things) after a year of not talking to her, I felt the need to cry with her as well. Lucky for her and I, we made it up. I sat with her, in the hall of the school, and hugged her as she cried into my arms. We had made up the day she broke down...and just like that..we became childhood friends again...

I miss her so much. She was the sweetest girl I've ever met... I wish I could see her again.. I still love her and I wished that I hadn't said the things I said to her...I was such an idiot and ass back then.

Anyway, this were things I wanted to get off my chest. I didn't want to have these thoughts on my birthday and the new year..so I wanted to get some shit off my chest. I believe...you guys should get to know me a little more anyway. I can't just expose all these people and then act like I'm an angel, now can I? Even I do some toxic things...nothing nearly as bad as what the assholes I dealt with though.