So, as a kid, my main motto in life was, "Be a blessing."
I was constantly reminding myself to meet the needs of others, to help all who asked and even those who didn't. I was constantly seeking things to do, ways to help out or make someone smile; I just wanted to be a good person that people wanted around. And they did, or at least I think they did.

At some stage in my life though, it just got to be a little too much. My actions went unnoticed one too many times, my voice went unheard one too many times, I gave my all and felt so empty one too many times; and when I couldn't give so much of myself anymore, people got angry.

That's when I realised that if you give your all, that's what people will expect every. single. time.

When I pushed myself too far, and gave too much, letting it break me, guess what? No one was there to notice.

No one saw me fall apart, not even those that I had held up in their brokenness. And no, I didn't do it all just so I could have the favour returned; it was never about that. But I figured, you know, that I wouldn't be alone after being there for everyone else.

But I was. I was all alone.

And when I asked for help, no one took my seriously. I guess that's what happens when you never want to bother people; they end up thinking you're unbreakable just because they didn't see you break.

And so, after falling to the ground, lying there broken and shattered and begging for a hand to just help me up, and no one came... well, I decided that I never wanted to feel like that again.

So I stopped. I stopped spending all my time and energy on being what others needed, and I forced myself to become someone that I needed to be.

I needed to be strong, because no one was going to be strong for me. I needed to love myself, because no one else would fill the void in my heart. I needed to take care of myself, because no one else was going to. I needed to know how to help me, because even though I helped them, they had no idea how to help me or even that I needed the help.

Now... I feel so lost, so alone, but I'm not exhausted. And yeah, people get mad when I don't rush to meet their every need, but for the first time in my life... I'm okay.