Well, it's been a long time but I should really post here more.

I'm just so unbelievably

Numb lately, more often than usual.

If I'm not numb, I'm being overly salty and petty and generally feel like shit. Every little thing sets me off and rubs more and more salt in the wounds.

I'm so sick of people being passive aggressive and making me feel like I'm a horrible piece of shit, especially over the dumbest things. I know it's not something that everyone means to do, but it happens so often that sometimes I get just this irrational thought that somehow everyone I talk to has like, a group chat where they discuss the best ways to make me feel like shit and like I'm insane.

Even right now while I'm writing this I'm talking to like twelve people like everythings totally normal and chill, but I'm crying and I'm so scared that any one of them will notice that I'm not typing like normal and ask me what's wrong

And I'm going to have to list every dumb, petty thing that's happened all day that lead up to this moment

And the super dumb thing that finally tipped things

I don't even know if I'll post this. I don't want anyone to read this and feel bad or assume that they did something wrong.

Between this and like, three paragraphs ago one of my friends already noticed something was up, so I already dragged one person into my shit storm.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I need more people I actively talk to, but then I remember that I'm constantly dragging the ones I do talk to down and I don't want to befriend people just so I can ruin someone new's day with my shit. I'm probably better off alone, but I'm way too scared to really be alone.

Sorry for the depressing ramble again.