God two serious chapters? Fuck- well normally I say shit on my Mb but for something like this I feel more comfortable talking about in a book rather than my board.

As if it's on my board it'll be deleted soon enough, and I kinda feel I should leave this up for a while.

But mental health, it's important. Mine has been fucked up for years, things really started going to shit when I was 13-14. Like, a lot of stuff happened that I'm not really going to get into. Some things are better left in the past and repressed, and hopefully one day I'll forget about all of that shit.

However I never really had been okay mentally ever since then and things were just always getting worse and worse by the day. I had suicidal thoughts almost daily for years. To this day I still don't even know why I didn't just say fuck it and end it all. Honestly I think it would have been easier.

But I stayed alive, and around the beginning to middle of February. We got a home (can you believe around this time last year I officially became homeless? Fucking hell im so glad it's over) and things have been beginning to get better. Sorta.

I'm still depressed, I'm still forcing myself to smile everyday. I find comfort in talking to my online friends as irl I don't have very many left. It's like when I became homeless I hit rock bottom and lost not only my home but my friends too.

For some reason I still can't force myself to be happy even though things are slowly getting better. But I'm working on it. I had a bad depressive episode last night, and I came close to doing something regrettable. But I didn't, and I'm proud of myself for that.

But today went pretty well. I even felt up to responding to a few people even though I haven't even been thinking about any of that.

I'm slowly making progress to fixing myself, it's just taking time. Thank everyone for being patient with me during this time. Even I can't understand why I'm still so depressed now. But I guess it happens.

Ily- ttyl! ❤️✨