Read all the way through for best results.

Step one: Rip cheese to shreds. If cheese is unavailable, what are you doing here.

Step two: Melt in bowl. If bowl is unavailable, that's unfortunate. Eat normally. If melting method is unavailable, that's unfortunate. Eat normally.

Step three: Let cool, stirring frequently. If spoon is unavailable, use fork, knife, or stick. If none are available, that's unfortunate. Eat normally.

Step four: Eat in small portions, chewing for a long time. Delicious cheesy juices should be detectable after a while. If chewing is impossible, why the heck are you eating cheese in the first place.

Step five: Swallow. If swallowing is impossible, you must have a difficult life and I'm sorry.

Step six: Ask yourself why you are reading instructions on how to eat cheese.

Step seven: Question life choices.

Step eight: Go do something more productive with your life.

This has been an eight step process on how to eat cheese.

I'm very sorry.