I'm not sorry

This made me cry

This is one of the longest oneshots I think I've ever written

This isn't word for word of the song, but you'll see a resemblance to the lyrics throughout

Lie To Me-Acoustic by Five Seconds Of Summer-

The first thing Sirius noticed was that Remus didn't look as happy to see him as he'd hoped. Sure, they'd hugged, and Snivellus called them 'an old married couple,' but the smiles never reached Remus' eyes. It was like Remus couldn't quite believe that Sirius was innocent. Sirius couldn't blame him. 14 years of believing your best friend and the love of your life murdered his and your best friends all to find out he was completely innocent. It does mess with your head a bit. Not as much as spending 14 years in Azkaban for a crime you didn't commit. But a bit.

The second thing Sirius noticed was Remus didn't sit with him at Order meetings anymore. Back in the day of the First War, they were practically joined at the hip. They stayed in their group of 5 (would-be 6 with little Harry on the way) most of the time, until that night. Now, he sat with Sirius' (favorite) cousin, Nymphadora Tonks. He obviously needed someone to help him cope. Sirius just wishes he was there to help Remus.

Sirius forgot how demanding the Order was. It's 3am, and they're all sitting at the dining table in Grimmauld place, deciding the next plan of action after the latest attack on a muggleborn mage's family (if anyone knows the gender-neutral term for witch/wizard please tell me). Everyone looked exhausted, but even more so Remus. He looked disheveled to the highest extent. Tonks was sitting next to him, looking equally disheveled. Throughout the meeting, they exchanged small glances and whispered quietly to each other. Sirius felt a pull at his heart. They were like that at Order meetings. Oh, Sirius thought, they're together. Sirius felt like he could cry.

The moonlight was hitting his face just right, and Sirius instinctively touched the tattoo on his arm of the changing moon phases. He had gotten it the Christmas he turned 18. Remus snuck them out of the Potter's and out into Muggle London. They went to the first tattoo shop they found. Remus asked to see the portfolios of the artists there, but Sirius knew what he wanted the minute he fell in love with the beautiful Werewolf beside him. He wanted The Moon with The Dog Star next to it. That was the first time Remus had kissed him in public. The next time the 4 of them went to Diagon Alley, Sirius snuck off to find a wizard tattoo shop. He'd had the tattoo enchanted to show the phases of the moon in real time. Remus had cried when Sirius had shown him.

Sirius excused himself. He couldn't look at Remus and Tonks together anymore. The only thing that had kept him sane in Azkaban was the thought that Remus was out there somewhere, and the memories of them at Hogwarts made him happy. Sirius had hoped Remus was happy too. Sirius just didn't expect him to find his happiness in someone else.

He had wandered around the house until he came to the wall with the Black Family Tree. Sirius stared at his name, burnt almost unrecognizably. He traced his finger from his name to Tonks'. They were cousins. She obviously didn't know about him and Remus. She was too nice to not say anything to him about it. The tears came without warning, and Sirius didn't even acknowledge them until they had dropped from his face. He always knew he would be a second choice, though he never expected his cousin. As he heard footsteps approaching, he quickly swiped at the tears.

Remus rounded the corner, "Alright mate?"

"Yeah," Sirius sniffed, "Fine. Just thinking about that young mage's family." Sirius sent up his apologies to their family for using them as an excuse for his own pathetic life. Remus gave him a pat on the back and a smile and walked out, most likely to check on Tonks. Sirius felt his heart crumbling and falling to his feet. He couldn't hate his cousin, no matter how hard he tried. Remus Lupin was ethereal, and trying not to love him was like trying to force the sun not to rise. He was beautiful, but if you looked too long, it'd hurt.

Sirius had thrown himself into being Harry's godfather to make up for lost time, and partly to say a silent sorry to James. He wanted Harry to know that it wasn't your past that defined you, it's what you do with your present that counts.

Presently, they were at Grimmauld place once again for a dinner party to celebrate the end of Harry's Sixth year. Sirius was immensely proud of Harry for what he had done, and at such a young age, too. Molly had cooked an amazing meal for everyone, and Harry looked absolutely glowing beside his two best friends and his boyfriend. Harry had been apprehensive about coming out to Sirius as Bi, but Sirius accepted him wholeheartedly, though a bit of teasing about his choice in partners was second nature at this point. The four of them were talking amongst themselves and laughing quietly. It reminded Sirius of James, Lily, himself, and Remus when they were their age. Sirius felt the pang of guilt and sadness that seemed like second nature, but pushed it down in favor of catching Harry's eye and smiling. Just before Sirius was going to stand up to toast Harry, Remus beat him to it.

Remus cleared his throat to attract everyone's attention, not that Sirius' ever strayed too far from him, and began his speech. "Harry, you've grown into such a well-rounded young man. I know your mum and dad would be so proud of you for what you've done, and I wish they were here to see you." Remus found Sirius' eyes and gave him a remorseful smile. He was still trying to apologize for not believing him all those years ago. Sirius kept saying it was fine, even if it wasn't. He was desperate for any indication that Remus still loved him the way he did before. "You've had so many great accomplishments over the years: youngest ever quidditch seeker," Sirius saw Harry blush and Draco made a playfully sullen face at Harry, "The Boy Who Lived, finding the Philosopher's Stone, defeating a Basilisk, saving your Estranged Godfather and a Hippogriff from execution," Remus gave him a smile and nod, which he returned politely. "Winning the Triwizard tournament, creating Dumbledore's Army, becoming a godfather, saving your friends countless times, and most importantly, living up to your dad's level of mischief at Hogwarts! I wish you the best for all your days, and hope you find eternal happiness!" Remus sat down, and Sirius thought it was a beautiful speech, but-

"Remus," Harry questioned, looking at his 'Uncle' expectedly, "I'm not a godfather?"

Remus looked puzzled for a moment, then came to a realization, "That's what I forgot to do! Not to take the spotlight away from our dear boy, but I have a couple announcements to make. Firstly, Tonks and I will be expecting a little one in April, and we'd like Harry to be the godfather! Of course, Mr. Malfoy, I'm also offering for you to be the godfather if you wish, since you and our little one will be cousins, and since you have obviously captured Harry's heart." Harry started blushing and congratulating Remus along with everyone else. Sirius pushed his chair out from the table and rushed out of the room. The tears came not long after he left the room. He couldn't pretend that Tonks was just a fill-in for Sirius until he was ready again. Remus had finally moved on.

He found himself making his way to the Family Tree room again. It was the only place no one else went in the house. He stared at the family tree once more, just like he had all those months back. He stared at Tonks' name, desperately trying to find a way to hate her, or find something that she did on purpose. He couldn't. Tonks was innocent in this whole ordeal. Her only crime was loving a man that was made to be loved. He heard footsteps approaching rapidly but made no move to dry the tears that were flowing freely down his face. Just like that Order meeting all those months ago, Remus stood at the doorway, looking perplexed at the situation before him.

"You okay mate? You left kinda qui-"

" No I'm not Bloody okay!" Sirius whips around to face Remus, suddenly fuming. How could he not see that Sirius' heart had stayed right where it was broken, on this floor, all those months ago. "How can you be the smartest person I know and still be so dumb!" Remus took a breath to retort, " Don't , Okay? Just Don't. Just go back to your lovely Girlfriend and just forget about me, okay? Just forget about the person that loved you more than anything and go back to the girl you knocked up within 2 years of meeting her!" Sirius was crying harder now, and trying not to yell at Remus. Remus had the audacity to look hurt.

"This is what you're mad about! I'm the one that should be mad ! I thought you killed Lily and James! I thought you sold them out! For 14 years! 14! Don't pull your 'Oh, I'm a Black so everything comes easy to me and I get whatever I want' act! Do you know how hard it was finding out that the love of my bloody life was the Secret Keeper and got my 2 best friends killed , then went and killed the remaining one! I thought you betrayed and lied to me! I thought. . ." Remus was yelling at him at this point, and Sirius was unexpectedly relieved. Sirius wanted a fight. If he had just been yelling at Remus, he would've felt worse afterwards.

"What? What did you think ? That I'd stoop so low as to kill my best friends and betray the love of my life?" Sirius was hurt. And angry. And had enough Adrenaline in his veins to lift the table in the dining room, with everyone still attached.

"I thought you were Exactly Like Your Parents ." Remus had gone from yelling to basically hissing at him. Sirius felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Remus, Remus, thought he was exactly like his parents. Sirius stood in shock.

His blood boiled.

This was who Remus was.

He thought Sirius was a Black through and through.

"I loved you! I trusted you with my life! I was trying to catch the fucker that killed James and Lily!" Sirius wanted Remus to leave. Go back to his Perfect Little Life with Tonks and just forget Sirius.

"I wish we never met," Sirius was just digging his grave, but he didn't care at this point. If I'm ruining this once and for all, Sirius thought, might as well go out with a bang. "But you're too hard to forget! While you cleaned up your own mess, I was left with nothing! I never stopped loving you! Not for one second! Ever! You were the One thing that kept me sane! And you all but forgot me, even when I came back! You swapped a Black for a Black, and I hope to Merlin you're happy." Sirius' voice had grown hoarse from yelling, and he had lowered it to a scalding tone, gearing up for the big finish.

"And I know that you don't, but if I asked you if you love me, I hope to Merlin you'd Lie To Me! Just go back to Harry and the others before he gets worried." Sirius was tired, and hurt, and just wanted to be alone. He was full-on crying, and Remus was just standing there, looking at him like he was a petulant child that had just finished a tantrum (honey, you are).

"If that's what you want, I'll go, but I never stopped loving you either, I was just hurt and angry and scared. I didn't think-"

"You never do." Sirius wanted to sulk in peace, and Remus was trying to salvage them, but it wouldn't work.

Remus sighed and walked away, calling back to him, "I'll tell Harry you're unwell. Feel free to come back when you're more reasonable." Sirius felt guilty for ruining Harry's dinner. He still didn't feel well enough to go back yet, and he was still crying harder than he would've liked to be. Sitting down in a corner of the room, he started trying to calm himself down, which only led to him replaying the fight over and over (Look at what you did to him, He's got anxiety!).

Sirius didn't know how much time had passed, but it was most likely more than half an hour. He heard a knock on the doorframe and looked up to see Draco Malfoy.

"May I come in? Harry sent me to make sure you were okay. We didn't hear much, but we could hear yelling." Sirius felt embarrassed and readjusted so he was in a more welcoming sitting position, then motioned for Draco to sit with him.

"I'm fine." Sirius sniffled as if to prove his point, "Just a stupid fight that ruined the best thing I ever had." Draco looked a bit anxious, like he didn't really know what to do.

"I'm assuming the two of you were. . ." Draco gestured to the door, then to Sirius.

"Yeah, we were together during the First War. Then Harry's mum and dad died, and everyone thought I'd done it, even. . ." Sirius gestured to the door. "When I came back, I figured out he was with Tonks and lost it a bit. I guess I should say I lost it a lot, if tonight is any indication." Sirius chuckled, trying to diffuse some of the nervous energy in the room. Draco smiled hesitantly.

"You know," Draco started, turning towards Sirius, "when Harry and I first got together, I was stuck in the mindset of 'why me?' Even though he told me that he liked me, and this wasn't a trick, our first fights were always about the same thing. Me claiming that he'd get tired of me, or realize he wasn't actually Bi and leave me for Ginny or Cho or one of the other girls he'd liked." Draco smiled like it was a fond memory, and not a memory of sadness or anger. Sirius understood. Remus and him had had the exact same fights a million times. Remus was always so worried that Sirius would up and ditch him for one of the pretty girls in their year. "But every time, without fail, he'd tell me that it wasn't a trick, and he loved me for me, and that he wasn't going anywhere. It took time, but eventually, I got to the point where I believed him, and we stopped fighting. From what I heard, he never meant to hurt you, and you never meant to hurt him. War makes us do stupid things, and they can look really bad to outside onlookers. You still both love each other, but he had to cope in whatever way that he knew how. I think, when you came back, he was confronted with all the feelings he'd had before, and didn't know how to deal with them. His brain hadn't caught up with his heart. He poured all the feelings into someone different, until he could make sense of them, and fell in love along the way."

Sirius knew that what Draco had said was right. He was the one who went away. He was the one that didn't correct Remus when he believed Sirius was the secret keeper. Remus had every right to feel the way he did.

"When did you get smart? I know you didn't get it from my godson." Draco laughed with him.

"I have my ways, Black."

"You're a Black too, y'know. Your mother was my cousin. Tonks' too, but you already knew that, considering the news that was shared." Draco smiled warily, like he didn't want to bring it up. Sirius stood up, and held out a hand to help Draco. Draco took it, and Sirius pulled him into a hug.

"Thanks." Sirius pulled away and smiled at him, and Draco smiled back. Even though Sirius didn't have Remus anymore, he had others that loved him almost as much.

My next 2 are gonna be Sherlock

and they're gonna be sad  >:)