In which Dave is completely drunk and John has to keep him from destroying his house.

John was awakened by a muffled crash. "Aw, shit." That was definitely Dave's voice.

"Dave? It's like... *yawns* two am. What are you doing?" John asked. Dave... had been over for a sleepover, that's right. He'd seemed kinda out of it before John went to bed.

Dave stumbled towards John. He'd been sleeping on the the floor, but it looked like he was coming from the doorway.

"John, look, look. I can stay up as long as I want!" Dave slurred. John smelled alcohol.

"Dave? Have you been... drinking?!" He whisper-shouted. Dave nodded, his glasses almost falling off.

"Oh my god, Dave. Sit down before you wake up my dad!" John helped a very, very drunk Dave onto his bed.

"Can I put my head in your lap, Egdork?" Dave grinned up at his best friend. John looked at him quizzically.

"Yeah, but no homo." John said. Dave raised his eyebrows and didn't say anything.

After a little while, Dave seemed to fall asleep. But he was still laying in John's lap. Carefully, John leaned over and picked up his laptop. He logged on to Pesterchum.

---ectoBiologist began pestering tentacleTherapist----

EB: rooooose
EB: i need your help rose come in
TT: Hello John. May I ask as to why you need my help at... 2:30 AM?
TT: Does it have to do with Dave?
EB: yes he... wait how did you know??
EB: nevermind! he was at my house for a sleepover because he flew in from texas and after i went to bed he broke into my dad's liquor cabinet! and now he's really drunk and i don't know what to do!!
TT: Well, that does sound serious. Has he asked or told you anything yet? Perhaps concerning... his feelings?
EB: no? he just asked if he could put his head in my lap and now i think he's asleep. in my lap.
TT: Hm. Well, keep on guard and let him sleep it off. If he tells you anything, just remember: drunk words are sober thoughts.
EB: what do you mean??

---tentacleTherapist ceased pestering ectoBiologist---

John stared at his computer screen. What on earth did Rose mean? Before he could wonder further, Dave woke up.

"John. John listen, John." He whispered.

John was weirdly nervous. "Just sleep, Dave. You'll feel better... well, you won't feel better but you'll be sober in the morning."

"No, no, no, no, listen, John. Buddy. Best bro. Better then my bro. Egderp. Listen." Dave rambled drunkenly. John shushed him and leaned closer to hear what he was saying.

"I can't fall asleep till you kiss my cheek." Dave nodded. John jerked back.

"What?! Dave I know we ironically joke about you being gay but I'm no-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. John 'No homo' Egderp. *Egbert." Dave sighed. Then he pointed to his cheek. "C'mon, bro, one little peck won't hurt."

Is this what Rose meant?? John thought. But I don't want him waking up my dad so I guess... as he said, one little peck won't hurt... Alright, I can do this.

"One kiss." John said, already regretting a little. Yet also, strangely excited.

John leaned forward and was about to place his lips on Dave's cheek when Dave turned his head.

For a second, John was too shocked to do anything. His first kiss was with a boy?! And that boy was Dave Strider!! For a moment longer, he let himself kiss back before he realized what he was doing.

"Dave, you're an asshole." He grumbled, wiping his lips. He could feel himself blushing and Dave saw it too.

"What happened to no homo, Egderp?" He asked, grinning. I've been sober for a little while but I don't want to ruin this so I'll pretend to be drunk.

"That was your fault!"

"Yeah, but you got into it."

"...N-no, I have no idea w-what you mean." John lied. Dave was tired of this back and forth. Might as well go for it.

"John, bro, I have something to tell you." Dave said, his head still in John's lap. John felt his heart rate speed up. Why am I so excited? It's not like I l... lo... love him or anything...

"....So, we've been friends for a while, and I want you to know that I am kind of in love with you." Dave stated bluntly.

Complete silence. John tried to laugh it off.

"Dave you're drunk. You don't mean that." But he was really thinking about what Rose had said. Drunk words are sober thoughts...

Dave sighed and shook his head. "What do I need to do to convince you?"

John was struck be a thought. Dave would never do this.

"Take off your shades and show me your eyes." John said. "If you do that I'll believe you."

Dave's expression was unreadable. Then to John's surprise... he reached up and took them off.

John was frozen. They were bright red. It was mesmerizing. Dave rolled his eyes and looked down.

"I know, I look like a fre-"

"They're amazing, Dave!" John interrupted. Dave looked faintly surprised but took advantage of John's inability to move.

Dave leaned in and kissed John. This time it wasn't a trick, just a straight on kiss. John felt his heart beating, so loud he thought Dave could hear it.

After a minute they broke apart.

"...Dave, you've been sober for awhile, haven't you."

"Yup."

"You ass."

"So, what's your answer, Egbert?" Dave questioned putting his sunglasses back on.

John reached out before he could think. He took off Dave's glasses.

"Keep them off. I like your eyes." When John said this, Dave raised his eyebrow, but didn't move to put them back on.

John took a deep breath.

"I'm not a homosexual. But... I might be a little bi. For you." His words came out in a jumble and he didn't meet Dave's eyes. Then John felt a finger on his chin. Dave lifted it and nodded.

"Cool."

"So... can I like... kiss you or something?" John mumbled.

"No-" John looked down at this- "BUT I can kiss YOU."

And he did.

***the day after (well, technically the same day)***

---ectoBiologist began pestering tentacleTherapist---

EB: rose I need to talk to you!
TT: Yes? How did early this morning go?
EB: that's what I need to talk to you about. i think i might love dave. i mean like i love dave.
EB: and i am pretty sure he loves me too. he said so at least. do you think he means it? i'm afraid it's one of his ironic things!
TT: Oh, it's not. I've talked to him extensively about the topic. So has Kanaya. And Jade. And Karkat, surprisingly. He really is a love expert.
EB: woah woah woah wait. dave talked to karkat about being in love with me??
TT: He has some limited blackrom experience after all. And Dave was pretty desperate.
TT: Anyway why aren't you talking to him about it?
EB: karkat?
TT: ...No. I meant Dave.
EB: oh. you're right. thanks rose!
TT: No problem.

---ectoBiologist ceased pestering tentacleTherapist---

"...You talked to Karkat about your problem? Really??"

"Shut up."

*****The end*****

Whew! First Homestuck fanfiction I have ever wrote.

Credit for idea in slight goes to Outcasts Cosplay. Really it was just the "Dave is drunk" bit but credit anyway.

Deuces~