my sadness from the past couple months was proven as depression so now im on pills and i feel nauseous everytime I lay down or stand up. One thing i miss is when i didn't push people away and i could rely on people, when i didn't fuck things up all the time.
If i could go back in time and slap myself i would because i dont understand why i thought being depressed was cool but it really fucking sucks... You can't focus on shit because your thinking all the time and you have so many things inside your head all going at once and every negative thought makes you hate yourself more. You walk into a room where before you could only imagine how many good friends you had in one room... Now you just think they're judging you or you think nobody wants you there. I could only think about what someone said today and it hit me hard. They said that every one needed love. I thought about it and it made so much sense but it hurt me more cause i forgot what being loved felt like. I still think about how hard i would cry if someone just hugged me and it would seriously make my day, week or even month.