After talking to my crush for what is probably gonna be the last time i just realised in the long silence that everything wrong with my life is my fault. I have so many regrets but you really cant do a fucking thing about it, you just gotta live with them. Eveynight before i go to sleep i just think about what i want to dream about and i started researching of how to lucid dream which is being aware that you're dreaming so i could just be happy. I have my fingers crossed that if i learn it i can relive some good memories.
Another thing i noticed is that im good at everything that i hate and i try so hard to change but i just end up disappointing myself.