So my friend Avery had a crush on this kid named Brayden.  This other kid, Ryan, told her Brayden liked her.  He lied.  He thought it would be funny to do that to her.  So I'm going to confront him and tell him just what I think of that.

Me: Hey Ryan... can I talk to you? Alone please. (Said sweetly like I'm gonna ask him out or something)

Ryan: Uhhhh (imagine he has a stupid douchebag voice of stupidity). Sure.

Me: (once we're alone) (still sweetly) I wanna say something to you... (now imma put on my best "don't mess with this b*tch or her friends" face) You are an a**. You think it's okay to lie to a girl you about someone liking her?  To get her hopes up, then crush them? What, did you think it would be funny? That she would laugh and brush it off? No. She didn't. You hurt her and made her re-think how attractive she was, how good of a person she was. You made her second guess her self-worth and that, to me, is the worst thing you can do to anyone. She is an amazing, talented, beautiful, funny, marvelous person. If you think it's ok to make a girl think that her crush likes her, you are sorely mistaken.  You can't do that and hurt people just because you feel like it.  How dare you try to.  I envy the people that will never meet you. Futue te ipsum. (Go fk yourself)

Too rough? Well that's too bad cuz it's what I'm saying. If any of you have people you need to confront but don't want to? Let me know. I will send them glitter (it's enclosed in a letter that tells them how awful they are.)

Thank you, goodnight. Happy Easter and Happy Earth Day!