Some people wait lifetimes, wishing and hoping and praying for true love, just to never find it. They say that people like that are forever lonely. Even the people who believe in reincarnations believe that in every life, they're doomed to never find love.

I guess I was lucky.

Or... Was I?

See, I found love. In this lifetime, I found love so pure and amazing and brilliant that I wouldn't turn it away if it meant that I'd die. And that love they made me feel a way I'd never be able to say with my ugly, simple words, stole my heart away, giving it to someone else. That someone else is Jimmy Darling.

Jimmy was always good with words. He could make a girl swoon same as he could fire up a crowd for a revolution or a performance alike. If you asked him, he'd easily explain the way we loved each other. What it meant. What we were and how special and precious it all was. But me? No. My words weren't grand and graceful enough to tell you.

So I won't.

Just know that it was really, really great. Like the best you can imagine, and then greater.

And right now, sitting with my amazing boyfriend, staring into his eyes with his cool breath breathing against my skin and his forehead touching mine, I'd never felt our love more.

When we met, it wasn't at FreakShow. In fact, it was in Town. He walked into the diner I worked at work his friends, asking for service. Seeing the attractive boy - even with his hands, which everyone thought was weird but I didn't really mind it honesty - I was quick to grab a pad and scoot up to the counter to take orders. My willingness to serve and my broad smile drew Jimmy to me and when he smiled at me, I blushed so crimson that his friends saw us together before we did.

I'd always been drawn to Jimmy because of his eyes. His beautiful, big, chocolate brown eyes that were always alight with some intense emotion.

The first time I'd even talked about his hands I'd been driving him home and I'd taken his hand in mine, bringing it to my lips to kiss. I'd talked about how my parents had done that all the time and how I'd always wanted to do it with the man I loved. That was also how I told Jimmy I loved him.

To me, he'd never been a freak. In fact, when people used that word, I got angry and defensive and often got into heated exchanges with people. One time at the diner someone was trashing on one of Jimmy's friends and had used the word. Jimmy had been telling me to ignore them but the word set me off and I stood, supporting them. They'd moved to trashing me for "hanging around with people like them".

Like them. That's how they said it. Like they weren't human. Like they weren't sitting there, listening to the conversation. Jimmy had had to grab my wrist to keep me from slapping them.

"How can you let it touch you like that?" The person had sneered.

I remember stepping close, grabbing their attention. "Call him and it again, and no one will be holding me back from making you regret it," I'd threatened. We'd left after that and that night Jimmy had to cheer me up.

But that was the past. This was now.

And as we sat in the field next to the tents, me curled next to Jimmy, I truly and completely felt whole. I made a decision long ago to be with Jimmy forever and never let anything or anyone get in the way of us.

Then he came.

My father.

"Y/N!" I heard him call my name and I sat up immediately.

"Sir! The circus is closed!" I heard Elsa's accented voice yell to my father.

"Where are you hiding her?!" He screamed. "Y/N! Where is she, you little FREAKS?" And just like that I was on my feet.

"No!" Jimmy whispered, urging me, trying to keep me back. "Don't go, Y/n, he'll take you away!"

My eyes, Stone hard and cold, looked at him. "I can't let him talk to them like that, Jimmy. I have to stop him and make him go away. They don't deserve it." His arm tightened around me. "I can't let him talk to them like that!" I whispered urgently.

"You can and you will," Jimmy begged more than ordered, desperate. "I can't bear losing you, Y/n and if he sees you here... Please. Please just stay here."

Honestly, I would have. I would have let that word slide this one time because of how desperate Jimmy was. I could never say no to him because seeing him in pain caused me even more pain, physical instead of emotional. And I hated it. But then I heard something that made me take off.

"COME OUT NOW BEFORE I KILL THESE LITTLE FUCKING FREAKS ONE BY ONE! I WILL TEAR THEM APART UNTIL YOU COME OUT AND I WILL DO IT TOO! YOU KNOW I WILL, YOU LITTLE SLUT! Y/N! COME OUT N-"

"I'm here, daddy!" I said in a rush, popping into the camp. "Don't hurt them!"

Just in time. He had Pepper in his grip, a knife slowly pressing into her neck, everyone frozen so as not to encourage him to kill her. My dad pushed Pepper and Elsa caught her. My eyes watered as Jimmy ran up behind me, took in the scene, and froze himself. I covered my mouth as I saw what I'd caused.

"I'm... I'm so sorry," I whispered, shaking my head. They all looked at me. None of them were mad, I could tell. They saw me as one of them and they only felt pity towards me because of my father.

They saw me as family. As part of their circus. Their acts.

If they only knew just how perfectly I belonged here...

"Let's go," my father demanded. "Now." I nodded, hanging my head in shame.

"Please," Jimmy whispered, his eyes watering as well. But no one moved as I was ushered into my father's car and he drove away.

That night was rough. When we got back home, my father dragged me inside, throwing me across the living room the second the door was closed. "You little shit," he spat. "You little ungrateful, fucking whore! Prancing around with those... Those... FREAKS!"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, standing to my feet. "THEY'RE NOT FREAKS! DON'T CALL THEM THAT!" He stormed over to me, the back of his hand hitting my jaw so hard it snapped my head to the side and threw me off my feet, my back hitting the ground before I even registered that he'd moved.

"Them. You. You're all freaks. What woman is born without a reproductive system?" He sneered. "And two hearts to make up for your missing organ... You know what Doctor visits are like?"

I shook my head. "Yes, Daddy. That's why we avoid hospitals."

"You best believe, girl. You're more trouble than you're worth." A pause as he sighed, sitting in his chair. "If I see you with those freaks again - especially that boy - the one with the hands - him? Yeah. If I see you with any one of them, especially him, I'll kill whoever you're with." I looked up, startled. He sneered at me. "No. I'll just kill him."

"Daddy, I love him," I whispered, falling to my knees slowly.

"He's not good for you. You're a freak enough without his jeans making your kids worse." Then he laughed. "Never mind. I momentarily forgot..." He didn't. He just loved rubbing it in my face. I wanted a family so badly and I would never have it. He loved to rub it in my face, mocking me. It was his favorite pass time. "Don't let me catch you with him, Y/n. Or I swear I'll kill him. I swear it."

Upset and defeated and heart broken, I went to bed that night numb. Tomorrow I'd see Jimmy at the diner. I always did. Tomorrow I'd break up with him. Tomorrow I'd lose the man that meant everything to me.

Tomorrow I'd destroy myself to save him.

•••

"Hey, sweetheart," the familiar voice greeted. I locked my jaw and continued doing what I was doing, ignoring him. I knew he would come. It was just time to buckle up and do what I had to. I had to break it off in such a way that he was sure I not only didn't love him now, but hadn't loved him to begin with.

Man I so wasn't ready for this...

"Hey. Y/n?" Another familiar voice called. I turned around.

"Are you talking to me?" I asked, putting a hand on my hip and squinting my eyes. It was Jimmy and Amazon Eve. They exchanged looks and then looked back at me.

"Yeah...?" Jimmy offered as more of a question, unsure of what I wanted him to say.

"Well don't," I sneered, turning back around and walking away. I heard a shocked silence behind me, or more felt it I guess, and I felt a pang in my chest. Moving a bit faster, I just hoped he'd leave before work ended.

---

Long story short, he didn't. In fact, he stayed all day, not ordering but staring at me, silently, intently, and it was ridiculously hard to ignore him. When my shift ended, I slipped out the back, but the second I hit the road, Jimmy was next to me, walking with me and demanding my attention again.

"Y/n." I didn't respond. "Y/n." Still no response. In fact, I stared stoically ahead as if no one was there talking to me. "Y/n!" His hand wrapped around my arm and I yanked it away, insults popping in my head. Was I really going to do this?

I'll kill him! My father's voice echoed in my head and I was more solidified in my resolve. Pepper almost got hurt because of me. They couldn't lose Jimmy. I couldn't bear if Jimmy was even hurt because of me.

Ironically, to save his life, I was destroying his heart, but I had come to terms with doing that to save him. Anyway, he'd find someone better than me. Someone better for him. And he'll move on from me and be happy. Alive. And that's what mattered.

"Don't touch me," I snapped.

"You love when I touch you," he said softy. "Not like I've been used before, to please a woman sexually... But tenderly. Holding your hand or brushing your face when I kiss you. You love that, Y/n. I know you do."

He knew me so well... "I can't stand the feel of your hands on mine," I argued, fake disgust twisting my features. In fact, I loved his hands, but that didn't matter. He couldn't know that. Ever.

"Y/n..." His face was finally pained. "Why are you saying that? You know how I feel about my hands. Why?" He was so open with me. Where he'd usually hide his pain, he told me openly and immediately. It stung, me more than him, but I kept going. But not for long. I had to get away. I refused to keep insulting him. This needed to end.

"Because I want you to leave me alone," I told him monotonely. "I want you to leave me alone and never talk to me again or approach me, in any way, ever."

His eyes watered. "You don't mean that."

"I do," I stated blankly. How was I doing this? My knees felt weak!

"I love you, Y/n! I always have! Remember how much we love eachother! What changed in one night? Was it your dad?"

Shit. "No. You may love me, Jimmy, but I don't love you. We're not meant to be together. In no universe would we go past fuck buddies. I'm sorry I let it go so far but it was nice to pretend for a while. I even thought that I was in love with you, for a while, but then I sat up last night and I really thought. I remember why I got into business with you in the first place and my feelings for you were completely gone. Realized as the fake things they were."

"And what exactly was the reason you began business with me?" He asked, bitter.

"To fuck with a-" I couldn't say it. "With a weirdo." I turned and left.

"SAY IT!" He screamed. "SAY IT!"

"No," I whispered. Then I continued walking, leaving Jimmy in his spot, confused, hurt, and shocked.

And as I left him there, I left behind my very heart and soul, and walked away an empty shell.

---

Jimmy didn't come back after that. And as the days passed, I got more and more depressed. In fact, a month passed, and I forgot to shave my wings.

Oh, I didn't mention? I'm a Freak too. I can't have kids because I'm not human. I have no reproductive system, an extra heart, and wings. My dad made me shave my wings and cut them off so that I could hide them. It was excruciating, but there was nothing I could do about it. He was my dad and he set the rules. I'd tried to run away but it never worked. I had no where to go.

No one knew my secret because I thought anyone normal would be disgusted and anyone at Freak Show would be mortified. Not just that I was hiding what I was in the most extreme way as if I was ashamed of what I was, but because I was succumbing to a will other than my own, destroying myself because I was told to. Letting myself be treated like the Freak I let him think of me as.

So when I didn't shave them, they grew. I just forgot about them and as they grew back so quickly, I usually had to shave them at the end of every week. But now, the wings were growing back. And as it grew from a bloody hole in my back to a stump them an extension then started sprouting feathers and structure, I locked myself in my house. I never went out of my room. I didn't know for sure, but I was sure I was fired from my job. I had no reason to leave. No reason to live.

My father left me to rot. He had enough income but just wanted me out of the house so he'd made me get a job. Now, I sat in my room and hid, and no one bugged me because I wasn't around so they didn't have to deal with me either way, so he left me alone to rot away.

Time kept passing and my wings grew full length. But I grew weaker, and closer to death. When I thought I was dead for sure, my father walked in. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! I'M TIRED OF YOU MOPING AROUND OVER SOME FREAK!"

I snapped. "HES. NOT. A. FREAK!" I screamed. I shot to my feet, suddenly having some reserved life. "None of them are! I'm not! You're just an ass!" And with that my wings flung out and I smacked my father into the room and then he hit the ground, limp, blood oozing from his motionless body from some injury somewhere.

Launching myself out of the house, I zoomed into the sky, air catching under my wings and screams echoing from the streets. I was gone before I knew it, flying at top speed... somewhere. I didn't go far though. Soon I lost consciousness and I fell, down, down, down, someone screaming my name in the distance.

---

I woke up to see a tan colored roof. My back ached in a sore way and when I moved, I winced. I felt pained, like after I cut my wings off, the first day I woke up. Sitting up inspite of my pain, I looked around to see that I was in a... Tent?

Oh no. I had to get away from here. I was at the camp!

Struggling, I forced myself onto my feet and my wings extended out. I cried out as pain shot through my wings and I realized how new they were. They were new and scarred and probably broken and I'd pushed them farther than I should have, flying so quickly on new wings... How reckless!

"Y/n! What are you doing! Get back in bed!" I turned to see a blurry figure. It cleared a bit as I blinked a few times but I was ushered to the bed before I could see who it was. I was forced to sit on the bed and suddenly I was face to face with the one person I'd never thought I'd see again. A gasp escaped my lips.

"Jimmy?" I asked, confused as well as shocked.

"Hey, Darlin'," he responded, smirking.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why did you lie to me? Why did you push me away? Why did you shave your wings off to hide what you were from the people who would understand it best! Why did you break your heart as well as mine and almost kill yourself with grief? For no reason?" He seemed like he had more questions but I busted up crying.

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I didn't want to... I never wanted to... But what was I supposed to do? He was my dad! What he said, went! I couldn't... Just..."

"Leave him?" Jimmy asked me in a small voice.

"Yeah. He was my dad. My family. The only family I have left..."

"You have us... Me." I looked up at him. "Did you mean anything you said that day?"

"Not a word," I told him honestly.

"Then why?"

"Because he said he'd kill you if I didn't."

Instantly Jimmy pulled me into a kiss. It felt so odd to me after so much time away from him, but familiar as well. Like being lost at sea for years and years then coming home to the place you'd grown up in. Completely different than what I'd become used to but welcoming and familiar and warm and amazing.

"What do think about joining the show and staying with me forever?" He asked.

A small smile tugged at my lips. "Yeah. I think that'd be pretty great..."

"Can I see them? For real?" He asked.

Bashful, I looked down at my hands in my lap before pushing the jacket I had on off and slipping my shirt off. My wings billowed out, banged up but black and heavy, slick and oily and dark. "Not pretty or fluffy or white, but they're wings..." I frowned. "Mom used to call me her Devil spawn. Because Lucifer used to be an angel, ya know? Her Demon Angel. Her Dark Shadowy Beast. She never ran out of names really."

"They're beautiful," he whispered. I looked at him, shocked. I'd heard my wings called many things, but nothing ever positive. Never had they been good in my mind or anyone else's around me. Never beautiful. Always bad. Always ugly.

"Thank you," I whispered back.

And he slipped his hand around my neck and pulled me into another kiss. This one was different from earlier. Deeper, more passionate. Meaningful and fiery and demanding, but in a way that demanded me to be real. A way that demanded me to be there, in his arms, and not in his imagination. In a way that demanded me to accept myself and see me the way he did. In a way that demanded me to be happy, with him, as long as it was possible.

And hell.

I'm so up for that.