A/n: He is sixteen and a half, almost seventeen in this one.

- Two Years Later -

"Can't sleep?"

I looked up and smiled softly as I saw Jamie making his way to me. It had been at least two years since Wanda and Melanie had separated as individual people and everyone had settled. Since that moment of perfect happiness.

The first year had been awkward, Melanie and Jared having to relearn the new parts of the other that had grown and come to be through Wanda coming into the picture. Wanda, now free from her irrational love towards Jared, was more than happy to stay away from him. He had used and abused her to get to Melanie and everyone agreed she had every right to. It made things hard, when Melanie was sometimes torn between her best fried and practical sister, who took a fair amount of time to get over the Jared he had shown her, and her boyfriend, who was honestly ashamed of how he'd treated Wanda once I gave him a rough shake down and could rarely look Wanda properly in the eyes, even after Wanda forgave him. It was hard for me and Jamie, who felt Ian, Wanda, Melanie, and Jared were all part of one family, our family, and who we both very much wanted to get along. Finally that first year had passed and everyone settled in anew normal and the family was back together again bigger and better than where it started out.

Right after, the second year had brought knowledge of other groups and other Souls who had switched sides to go pro-human. It had been a huge adjustment to figure out how to keep in contact with everyone while simultaneously taking Souls out of human bodies and trying not to make the Souls too aware of what was going on and providing for even more mouths. The chaos that pushed and pulled inside the caves often kept me and Jamie too busy to get proper hang out time, just as the first year had kept us too separated and upset and tangled in keeping those we cared about most from falling apart.

Now, though, in these last months, the chaos had smoothes and our family was stable and the tide was slowly but surely turning to the humans. The Souls still had us drastically beat, and more than just a few were on high edge with all the missing Souls, but so far it wasn't too bad. The Souls still weren't aware enough of the war that was raging right under their noses...

"No," I finally answered, letting my musing fall away. This had been the first time in three months that we had been properly alone. It had been even longer that we were living in such good times, being in such good moods, together, fairly happy and easy going and smiling at one another, our heart light and our smiles solid. "I feel too energetic."

Jamie sat next to me, our bodies insanely close and touching. Through out the last two years, mine and Jamie's attraction had been a roller coaster ride. There would be weeks that we'd be awkward and shy and quiet and giggly and blushing, then a month where wed be insanely flirty and passionate and the tension between us was murder, and then a few das where there was noting at all and I wondered if that shyness and passion was not all in my head. In these last months, though, peace and content brought a more stable flow of emotion. Jamie seemed to skip the awkward shyness and slip right into a middle between of 'I'm scared to need you but damn do I want you' that had us pushing the line without igniting that fire I had in my memories. It was a thick, suffocating tension that was more just angst than passion.

He paused a second. "Why's that?" He asked softly.

My shoulders bound in a shrug. "No reason really. I think just the overall peaceful feeling between everyone right now. It's very exciting and reassuring and splendid."

A soft, agreeing hum slipped from him as he reached over, taking my hand. The side of his hand rested on my leg, his fingers intertwining with mine. "All this change is kind of stressful," Jamie chuckled. I looked over at him, but he was looking forward at the ever present glow worms that shone in the darkness. A view we both adored more than anything. "You know?" I hummed in agreeable, thinking of the fighting and arguing that had happened so often before all the problems had finally been sorted out. The insanity that had almost torn my little family apart all over again. "But.. change can sometimes be good too. Right?" He looked over at me and our eyes met. There was something else he was asking me with that question. Something that was poking and prodding at him, bugging him. Itching. Pestering.

Eyebrows knitting together in confusion, I turned to face him. "What's on your mind, Jay?"

The nickname seemed to light something inside of him. I'd used it only a few times and each time it made him completely giddy with glee. He LOVED the nickname. But only when I used it. Now, he didn't grin and squirm and go all star eyed. Now, he launched at me. His lips caught mine, fumbling in a shock I felt, both of us surprised he was actually kissing me.

Surprise passed and my moment of being frozen passed. I went to lean closer, to deepen the kiss. This seemed to scare him though and he leaned away. My mind raced, taking in the way his hand had touched me so softly it physically hurting his lips were suddenly gone just as I finally went to get the MORE I so craved from him.

When I opened my eyes, he was on his feet and backing away. "S-sorry, I-"

And then he was gone.

-

Three days.

Three full, entire days.

Jamie avoided and ignored me for three whole fucking days.

The memory of the little peck that he'd given me stuck with me with a weird amount of intensity. After years of sitting to the side and having my emotions roil and burn, even the brief tap of our lips was enough to die me crazy.It made my mind spin with the possibilities of what a real kiss would be like. What it might feel like to actually kiss Jamie.

Jamie.

Jamie Jamie Jamie.

When had one name become so powerful that only the mere thought of it could make me go heart eyed and floppy stomached and spinny headed, my mind full and pounding with memories that mixed with wonderful possibilities, drawn with an active imagination? When did Jamie go from Jamie, my best friend and almost brother, to JAMIE, the boy who kissed me and drove me to want to kiss him again (and again and again and again)?

These days, Ian and I were the closest family wise. He was the older brother, protecting ad loving and guiding and helping me. Wanda was his quirky girlfriend who was kind and gentle and who I adored because no one made Ian smiled like she made him smile. Mel was Wanda's sister, and the two were crazy close, but Mel and I weren't as much. Jared was even further, just my brother's Girlfirend's sister's boyfriend. We were all still close, but there were definitely much more distance between me and Jared these days. He had Mel back now. The insane closeness we'd gained while Mel was gone dissipated as his need for me went away.

And then there was Jamie. Jamie, who had once been like my twin brother: the other part of me I could never loose and loved too much to ever love another way. Jamie, who I had been so close with that any other reality seemed ridiculous and impossible. Back when Mel and Jared used to tease Jamie and me about how adorable we were and how we were going to fall in love someday, it had seemed the silliest thing ever.

No Jamie was just my brother's girlfriend's brother in our metaphorical family tree. Distant and far off where there was plenty of space to find romantic feelings.

Everything seemed turned on its head and I... don't really know what to do.

I fond myself one night, alone and basking in the desert night sky and cool night air. I lay in the wheat field, the left over uncut grain that would be taken up tomorrow swaying gently and creating a soothing sound for me to allow my eyelids to become heavy to.

My eyelids were being rebellious though. They were not heavy. I had not been this awake since Jared, Mel, Jamie and I had been outside the caves and on the run. What seemed lifetimes ago. I was completely and totally restless, the ache inside of me as I realized that Jamie and my relationship had finally made full circle and now, after everything, we were going to fall apart. After all the running and having each other's backs and keeping our little family together, we were the ones that wouldn't make it.

"Can't sleep?" The phrase made my skin crawl as it immediately brought my mind crashing on to that horrible night when Jamie had kissed me, but the voice calmed me down again and I rebalanced quickly, simply falling deeper into my wide awake saddened numbness. Ian sat next to me, sighing when I offered only a soft hum in response. "What's on your mind, kid?"

Kid. Man, he hadn't used that one in a while. Ever since I'd come to the caves, Ian had used the name to remind me that I was still young. That it was okay to give myself a little room and forgiveness. That I still had a long way to go. It was reassuring to me, unlike Jamie, who was only insanely annoyed by the idea that everyone still saw him as a kid. I guess, I KNEW Ian didn't see me as a child. Someone to be looked over and taken for granted. He saw me as a kid. A teenager who was still developing ad figuring herself out and stumbling through a life that wasn't meant to be this hard, much more mature than anyone else her age. Impossibly more advanced and at a level that should have been a million percent impossible. Just as it always had, it comforted me. I was defective. I wasn't insane. I was hormonal and young. It was okay that I was a little messy.

Turning to face him, I frowned. I couldn't say it. Really explain. "Jamie," I croaked out weakly. Ian looked down at my laying figure as he crossed his legs, his eyes saddening as he looked at me with pity. He was the only one close enough to me these days to know the exact extent of how I felt about Jamie. Wanda and Mel knew I liked him on some very real level, ad Jared still thought we'd be a cute little pair in theory. But Ian... Ian knew. Ian was the only who had sat me down and walked me through my feelings as I'd had a full out panic attack. He was the one to break the news that I was in love. IN LOVE. Scary.

He scooted closer, tugging on me until I got the message and moved my head into his folded legs. He played with my hair, which he knew calmed down. "What's going on now?"

I blinked hard as my emotions swelled. "He kissed me." It was a shaky whisper, but I'd still admitted it out loud. Now it was real. Ian shot me a confused look, unsure on why I wasn't overjoyed. He'd always been so sure that Jamie liked me back in some way. If Jamie kissed me, it proved he was right. Why wasn't;t I with Jamie and snuggled up and content and happy? I explained the awkward lightness of the 'kiss' and how Jamie had run off and then avoided me the last few days since then. Realization dawned on Ian;s face and the pity returned. "And this SUCKS, Ian," I moaned, covering my face as my eyes let out a few tears I hated myself for crying.

Sighing, Ian searched for a solution. "Maybe the kid is scared about where this will lead. He liked you enough to kiss you. Maybe he's scared he'll somehow mess it up. Or has some kind of insecurities... I don't know. Maybe give him some time. Keep your distance. Come sleep with me and Wanda, in our room. Give the kid the room you two share." I shuddered, thinking about the last few nights of thick silence that had been so suffocating, I'd left and taken to sleeping in the field or in the glow worm room instead. Sleeping with Ian and Wanda sounded like a good idea.

The pain was still there, though. I wanted him NOW. I'd already waited so long... And a part of me still cold;t let go of the idea that- that he didn't like me after all. "What if he doesn't though?" I asked, my voice soft with terror. "What if he thought he did, so he kissed but, but the felt weird and totally regretted it? What if he feels bad for playing with my emotions, since I obviously enjoyed it? What if I'm sitting here totally in love with him and he's out there, just trying to figure out a way to let me down softly?"

Ian was silent for a very long time. Then he mumbled, "You'll always have me, Izzy. I'll be here to help. With the pain and the moving on. Everything. Me and Wanda."

Hot tears fell like a flash flood and I shook with silent sobs. "This is going to ruin our little family. Right when everything was finally working out," I choked out. Ian shifted, pulling me up and into him. I grabbed his shirt, curling between his legs and he clutched me comfortingly. "I love him,"  let out aggressively. Ian shushed me, half to soothe me and half to remind me it was late and the caves echoed. I quieted, desperate for no one to find us.

Rubbing my back, Ian whispered, "I know Izzy. I know." Once I calmed down enough, Ian stood. He didn't ask me to stand. He just scooped me up and carried me like a baby to his and Wanda's room. Wanda saw me hiccuping and wet faced and didn't say anything, her kind face already completely aware of the situation. Ian put me in the free bed. He pushed my hair out of my face, his eyes sad as he softly asked, "Will you e okay until the morning?" I silently nodded my head.

He pursed his lips but excepted the answer, moving to slip in bed with Wanda who was plenty obliging to scoot over and give him room. After a second, I realized Ian and Wanda would wait for me to fall asleep. So, I sighed, rolled over, got comfortable, and closed my eyes.

To my surprise, exhaustion took over immediately and I was asleep a lot fast than I predicted I would have been.

-

The next day, I didn't even attempt to get close to Jamie. I didn't know if a part of me agreed with Ian's theory or if I'd just given up and was mending my broken heart, but I didn't even want to be around Jamie anymore. It hurt too much. I found my feet carrying me away from him any time my eyes caught him. I was now avoiding him.

All day I worked with the wheat and avoided Jamie, who I was only too aware was looking at me with a lot of worry. I knew I looked like a mess. My face was long and heavy with that same numb sadness I'd been swaddled in last night. It had never followed me into the morning before. I was too detached to care. I was low energy and quiet and methodical, doing my job robotically and keeping completely to myself. Not even Jared could get a response out of me. Inly him, Mel, Wanda, and Ian could even get me to look up or shrug or move to a new spot or take offered water. I was completely ignoring everyone else.

I was completely past heart broken. I just wanted to be left alone. I wanted to sleep. To fall into blank darkness and just not wake up until this ache went away. I was tired. So very, very tired. Tired f these feelings that ached and ebbed and flowed inside of me, eternally unreturned.

When I finished, I put up my tools and headed off to take a bath. After that, I sat in the dark bathing room, my pants rolled up and my wet hair against my back as my legs moved through the water softly. I had a little sun powered light next to me that I'd made forever ago and had rarely ever used up until now. I looked at the inky water and felt my body leaning forward. It made me uncomfortable, how tempted I was by the easy proximity of the water's edge. Nothing too bad. I just wanted to slip in and float on top and close my eyes. Just... lay in the darkness. Float int he water. Never come out again. Just stay here forever.

A voice sounded, knowing my out of my stupor. "Jamie's looking for you." I didn't have to look over to now it was Mel, but I did anyway. Out of politeness. She seemed t be itching to say something but I grabbed my little light, switching it off, my almost forgotten shoes pushed far away from the water's edge, and then moved to leave the cavern. "He went to the star room," she added quietly. I nodded. "Izzy." I paused, turning to face her. We could only see the silhouettes of each other on this edge of pure darkness, the light of the room behind us softly filtering in. "We should hang out. You and me and Jared. I never really see you anymore, these days. I miss you. You were my family first." I sense a hint of weak joking, referring to how I was tied to Ian and Wanda's sides.

Surprise fills me even though I know it shouldn't. She really does care about me. Want me in her life. She hasn't forgotten about me. I shake these obvious observations out of my head, chiding myself. I was dwelling too much and being too negative. I was secluding myself and blaming them. How silly of me to forget my first family. "Of course" I croaked, realizing that was the first time I'd spoken all day and since last night, when I'd sobbed myself raw into Ian's chest.

There was a shuffling and I knew Mel was moving to the water, so I turned and left the room. I made my way to the room with the fake stars created by the glow worms. last time I'd been here, Jamie had kissed me. I crossed my fingers that he wouldn't taint this room too much further. I loved this room. It would be a real shame if painful memories made me avoid it.

Just as Mel had said, Jamie was leaning against the cave wall, his eyes following the patterns of glowing dots across from him. His arms were crossed and he seemed to be in deep thought. As not to startle him in the dead silence, I whispered, "Jamie?" 

He looked over and I was sure he'd been expecting me. My footsteps had probably even me away. "Hey Izzy." He didn't smile. He seemed too nervous for that.

Biting my lip, I knew this was going to be brutal for me. I approached him, staying a good foot away but still closer than I had been. "Look, I know this is hard for you. I know that you don't want to hurt me. You don't have to say anything. I understand. You don't have to stress out of wonder or agonize over it too much. I understand. I love you, Jamie Stryder. There. I said it. And you don't love me back. That's okay, really, I-"

Jamie's look turned sharp, almost angry, and my words cut off instantly. "You think I don't love you?" He asked. I realized the look now. Stunned shock. Complete disbelief. It was so confusing it was frustrating. He was angry at me, really. He was just frustrated at my stubbornness.

My own anger flared though too. "You kissed me like it scared you and then high tailed it. Then you avoided me for days, Jamie. DAYS. It took me ignoring you back and your sister coming to find me for even this sim[y interactive to take place. And the first thing we do after days of awkwardness is fight. Don't you dare tell me that you love me."

His face twisted. "I do."

"No," I snapped harshly. He pushed off the wall, irritated. "You're not allowed to say that. You want to get me to believe you love me like THAT, Jay?" I spat the nickname in a mocking way, but the name still seemed to drawn him into me rather than anger him. My secret weapon. Some people were driven crazy by flirts or winks or lip bites or small touches or close proximity. This silly, childish nickname. This is what drove Jamie crazy. Now that I knew, I was all about using it. "Show me. Don't tell me. Kiss me, Jay." I smirked as he bristled again, a shiver running down his spine. My anger was coming through in how petty I was being right now. His confession of love had not registered, just as what I was suggesting did not truly make sense to me. I was angry and hurt and this is how I was lashing out. Hew was irritated that I didn't believe him, so I refused to believe him. Thinking of Wanda telling me Mel had almost disappeared and how she'd had to go to Ian and then Jared to pull Mel back (with Jamie in the background but gagging immaturely at the news that Wanda was kissing boys), I was inspired to add a little more. "Kiss me ;ike you want to get slapped."

Jamie's face set at the unspoken challenge.

'Kiss me like yo want to get slapped', I said.

Kiss me like Ian kisses Wanda, their passion pushing against their shyness as Ian leaned down so he could kiss Wanda and her body curving to keep touching his, desperate to keep feeling him against her, I implied.

Kiss me like Mel and Jared do when they've been separated too long again or it's raining and Jared takes his romantic moment as he always loves to, their bodies pressing together in an almost aggressive passion, burning and instant and impossible to ignore or control, I meant.

I knew that Jamie knew I was thinking this too, because I'd always told him about how I wanted someone to kiss me like Ian kissed Wanda and Jared kissed Melanie. He knew how much I wanted it. He knew what I was implying by using the cheesy line I'd gushed and teased about since the second Wanda had let it slip to us that she'd said it.

Determination filled the air between us and Jamie rushed at me, pushing me against the wall to the side of us. His lips were hot against mine. Hard. Messy. Unsure but wild and somehow working all but perfectly against mine. Just not perfect enough that it was a crazy kind of new that made my heart jump into my throat and spun my head through misty planes, going wildly in circles.

This was nothing like how I expected it. It wasn't as fast and strong as Mel and Jared, nor was it as slow and passionate as Wanda and Ian. This was messy but purposeful, not fast or slow but simply warm and working and moving and wonderful. It was inexperienced, this kiss, and I knew it would only get better from here as he learned how to kiss each other.

Weirdly enough though, it wad everything I'd wanted and more.

Only when he leaned back, both of us blinking madly as we tried to clear out heads, did I realize the other factors of the kiss. The way he had one arm tightly around my waist, pulling me against him as he leaned into the wall, keeping us hard against each other. His other hand was above me, on the wall, his palm flat against the rough cave right by my head. My hands were up in his hair and around his neck, touching his skin and scalp and pulling his dark curly strands like I'd always burned to.

He stared me down, a smirk growing on his face. "I was... scared. Scared of these feelings I've been trying to deny in myself and trying not to see in you. But you're incredibly beautiful, did you know that? I thought you'd think I was crazy. I thought you only thought of me as a friend still. A brother. But when I saw how sad you wee today... Ian confronted me, told me I was being stupid and if I liked you, I needed to tell you. I looked everywhere I thought you could be. I got lucky that Mel found you. Only she knew I was here. My- My point, Alissa... Izzy." He leaned close, his lips pressing against my cheek and neck and forehead and nose and the corner of my mouth and my closed eyelids - everywhere - as he spoke, each kiss separating each word. "The... point... is... no... matter... what... I... love... you..." Her leaned away, his eyes shining. "I love you, Izzy. Just believe me. I was stupid. Really, rally stupid. But I love you."

Finally the cold numbness slipped away from me and I could process everything that had just happened. Silence fell as I went through the emotions of the day I'd been refusing to feel. The sorrow and sadness and agony. The loneliness. The anger and determination and sass. The fear and hesitation. Then the passion. The love. The insanity and wanting snd needing. Then-

Joy. Unbridled, impossible to control, raw, real, insane joy that made me grin.

Watching me go through each of these emotions, Jamie actually melted in relief as I settled on that one. On Joy. I pulled him close again, our lips melting together a few more seconds before I leaned away, a contented sigh slipping from between my lips. "I love you too," I whispered. "I think I always have."

The joy melted away as I realized something, my eyes widening and my face filling with horror. A groaned slipped from me and Jamie leaned closer, protectively. "What's wrong?" He asked, worried.

"Ian's never going to let this go," I whispered. "Oh my gosh Jared and Mel are going to NEVER stop teasing em about this..."

Jamie was way too busy laughing to respond.

--

A/n: Here's to THAT ending. Hope you guys liked it!