~ ~ ~

Kaede: I can speak French between your legs~.

Shuichi: Th-that might be the hottest shit I've ever heard-

Nagito: I'm sorry, but I just pictured someone shouting, "BONJOUR!" at a penis.

Kokichi: SACRE BLEU, MADAMOUSEILLE VAGINA, HOR HOR HOR, TITTY CROISSANT

Kaede: "TITTY CROISSANT," I CAN'T-

Byakuya: None of you should ever be having sex.

~ ~ ~

Himiko: Um- ask out boy, how?

Byakuya: Roses are red, violets are blue. Guess what? My bed has room for two.

Himiko: Uh- no...

Kokichi: Twinkle, twinkle, little star! We can do it in a car!

Himiko: What the actual fuck, Oma-

Nagito: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream~!

Himiko: . . .

Byakuya: That last one was dipping dangerously close to serial killer territory-

~ ~ ~

Kaede: Is...having a penis fun?

Shuichi: It has its ups and downs.

Nagito: It's a little hard sometimes...

Kokichi: It's a pain in the ass!

Byakuya: Oh, fuck, guys, come on!

~ ~ ~

Shuichi: I am in dire need of assistance!

Kaito: Why, what's up?

Shuichi: I have to wash the dishes tonight.

Kaito: Okaaayyy...? It's not that hard, you just-

Shuichi: Kaito. Kokichi is pansexual.

Kaito: Uh- what?

Shuichi: Kokichi. Is. Pansexual.

Kaito: . . . well, fuck-

~ ~ ~

Kokichi, trying to hit on someone: I wanna do bad things to you~... I wanna make you yell~...

Kaede, his girlfriend: Oh, shut up!

Shuichi, his boyfriend: You're a bottom, Oma.

Himiko, his other girlfriend: An absolute pillow princess.

Amami, his other boyfriend: We haven't even fucked before, and I know for a fact that you'd rather be choked than do the choking.

~ ~ ~