Uh- spoilers, probably-

~ ~ ~

Shuichi: Man, Rantaro's so hot, I would definitely smash.

Rantaro: *becomes guacamole.*

Shuichi: Damn...well. Kaede's cute, maybe-

Kaede: *plays rolling girl on her piano.*

Shuichi: This is depressing. How about you, little grape man?

Kokichi: *under pressure.*

Shuichi: Okay, um...Kiibo...?

Kiibo: *glad0s, but stays dead.*

Shuichi: Well. All of my bitches are dead. Life fucking sucks.

~ ~ ~

Kokichi: But it's becoming increasingly obvious!

Shuichi: . . .

Kokichi: I CAN DENY IT NO LONGER!

Shuichi: Babe, it is three in the AM, shut the fuck-

Kokichi: I am small.

Shuichi: Glad you've finally stopped lying to yourself, now-

Kokichi: AND I WILL RULE THE WORLD! ALL HAIL THE ULTIMATE SUPREME LEADER!! AHAHAHAHA-

Shuichi: SHUT THE FUCK UUUUPPPP

~ ~ ~

Himiko: I don't think I've ever simped over a Slytherin this hard before...

Kokichi: Aww, am I really that attractive~?

Himiko: What? No, I was talking about Draco Malfoy.

Kokichi: :(

~ ~ ~

Shuichi: You know what? There is one person that I love more than Kokichi.

Kokichi: Excuse me, WHAT?!

Kaede: Is it me?

Shuichi: No, it's not you, Kaede.

Kiibo: I-is it me...?

Shuichi: Sorry, Kiibo, but it's not you, either.

Rantaro: Is it me?

Shuichi: Nope! Not Rantaro.

Kokichi: WELL, WHO THE FUCK IS IT? I swear to God, I am going to-

Shuichi: Her name is Sleep. And ever since Kokichi joined the polycule, I've been seeing her less and less.

Kokichi: . . .

Shuichi: It's sad, really.

~ ~ ~

Kirumi: Um...Kiyo...

Korekiyo: Yes?

Kirumi: Why is there a pentagram on the floor...?

Korekiyo: You told me to satanize the house before you returned.

Kirumi: I- sanitize. I said sanitize.

Korekiyo: . . .

Kirumi: You already sacrificed someone, didn't you?

Korekiyo: Possibly...

Tenko, from inside a closet: Hey, can I come out now?!

~ ~ ~

Kaede: Yeah, I can do it. I can clap with no hands. I can clap with one hand, too, ready?

Shuichi: . . .

Kokichi: . . .

Kaede: *idfk, use your imagination.*

Kokichi: *hands her a 5 dollar bill.*

Kaede: Uh...thank you?

Kokichi: Not quite twenty bucks, but what can I get for this amount?

Kaede: You can get the fuck out :)

Kokichi: I- wow, okay...

Kaede: Nonono, wait, I was joking, I'm sorry, I love you-

~ ~ ~

Shuichi: Pull me- pull me...more. More. More!

Kokichi: Yeah, you want me to pull on you~?

Shuichi: More~

Kokichi: Alright, alright, alright-

Shuichi: Okay, I think that's enough- that might be enough~...

Kokichi: Yeah, alright, might be too much, a little too much...

Shuichi: . . .

Kokichi: . . .

Miu: I'm gonna come-

Kokichi & Shuichi: WHAT-

~ ~ ~

Kokichi: Shuichi, your plan worked... I have been killed, and by the way, we're no longer friends.

Kaede: :O

Shuichi: Noooo, wait, babe-

Kaede: Woooww!

Shuichi: Wait, hold on, what if I-

Kokichi: Shumai, if you come and resurrect me, we will be friends again, and I might- I might give you a little kiss on the dick.

Kaede: Huh. Interesting...

Shuichi: Ok, um- wait, on the WHAT?

Kokichi: I might give you a little kiss on the tip!

Kaede: Ohh, on the tip...

Shuichi: On the tip?

Kokichi: Yeah, I might give you a little "mwah"!

Kaede: Okay, I'm cock-blocking you, let me just... *casually resurrects Kokichi.*

Kokichi: Alright, Shumai, we're not friends, and I'm not sucking your dick. Sorry!

Kaede: Wait, wait, I-

Kokichi: Sorry, I'm sucking Kaede's dick instead!

Kaede: . . .

Shuichi: Wait, can I- can I at least watch?

~ ~ ~