LOOK EVERYONE (who????)!!!!! WE MADE IT TO CHAPTER 100

there's a lot going on in this chapter btw, so get some popcorn cos there's gonna be a lot

---1---

alright. its time.

we're gonna look back on who i was,,, when i first discovered the internet.

*screams in the distance*

ok, i know i touched on this lightly with my March 2014 to Now Obsessions, but like. that doesnt tell you who i am. not really

SO! lets begin.

---

early 2012: i first discover the internet. im like,,, 9. not the best age for internet hahah

(deviantart disagrees)

i dont remember exactly what i was doing, but it probably still revolved around girlsgogames (yes i played that shit. that one farm game was the best)

everyone else in my class knew all these pop artists and shit and i wanted so bad to fit in. i pretended to like it so much that i tricked myself into believing that i actually liked it. these were, in a way, very dark times.

then i moved to youtube, where i immediately started uploading videos with redgirlrosie . this is also when i start drawing again.

its crap, of course. i'm 10.

im still the desperate one.

---2---

you've heard of casual bongos

now get ready for

casual tatas

---3---

oh boy i just found an old one-shot of my online persona and some other dude

get this i was so cringey when i first got a rank on this online thingy i chose the nickname "envy"

oH BOY WAS I A WEIRD PERSON

but yeah everyone knew me as envy and surprisingly only a couple people called me out on it,,, like i was expecting floods of fangirls to be like "oMG YoU cAN't TaKE hIs NAme!!1!1" but like only three or four people were like "hey,,, envy from fma, right? cool dude" and like wow

but yeah as i stopped becoming active in the fma fandom i started,,, to associate,,, the name envy,, with myself??? and everytime someone would say "envy" in the halls (which wasn't very often because people can't fucking grammar) i would turn around like "yes???? someone want me?" and like uGh

glad i got over that, i have a much better nickname now

hakan :DDDD

oH BOY I'M STILL SUCH A CRINGEY PERSON PLEASE KILL ME NOW

---4---

ok ok ok so usernames!!! these are fun

2010 girlsgogames: freidacat8. this one was simple because my cat's name is freida and i was 8 then,,, wWo I WAS SO CREATIVE!!!

2012 roblox: like fireheart915 or something. i was obsessed with warriors--unhealthily obsessed. so like there ya have it

2013 minecraft: animefan915. OH BOY WHAT A FUN ONE THIS WAS!!! i had a bunch of people just calling me anime because i absolutely refused to give out another name and i had no rank so i had no nickname tag,,, saying that now just sounds ick

2014 wattpad: InsaneMeows915. WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND PUTTIN MY BIRTHDAY IN MY USERNAMES GOSH ok so this was the beginning of my cringy insane phase where i legit thought i was crazy (well now i know i am hahaha rsD IS SO FUCJUBG FUN) so i put "insane" in everything.

2015 minecraft: EdVy10_3_11. PLEASE DONT KILL ME I REALLY REALLY HATE THIS USERNAME SO FUCKING MUCH LIKE HONESTLY???? i was such trash then omfg just kill me now,, like then, for me, edvy was okay but royed wasn't??? okay???

2015 wattpad: RainflightOfWindClan. i recently changed this one, if you're an old fan you remember this :DDDD

2015 minecraft: Devilish_Cat. ok so i had a bad runin with my cat that day and well they knocked over my cup of milk and,,, i was mad so i put Devilish_Cat which made me sound edgy as all hell but in reality i was just salty

2015 twitter: Rainflight918. cringy and stupid and wHOA LOOK AT THAT!! PERSONAL INFO ALERT WOO WOO!!! i legit changed my username before following a bunch of my favorite radio show hosts on twitter because i hate this one so much

2015 tumblr: writinguniverses. i'm actually not sure lmao but it was something like that. the one i wanted was taken so i went with that instead

2015 instagram: sanspuff. this was during my undertale phase and ugh. the whole "puff" thing was a joke between me and a friend and,,, well.

2016 minecraft: aesthetic.ninjas!!! i'M ACTUALLY SUPER PROUD OF THIS ONE BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE HAD IT AND I WAS SURE SOMEONE DID!!! THAT ONE IS ACTually still my user on instagram, i think.

2016 instagram: we.hurt.from.heart . I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH ACK!!! for those of you who don't know, i was ranma 1/2 trash back in march because i thought that it was the funniest shit ever and i got to an episode where shampoo is called out on because she didn't kill girl ranma (for obvious reasons, that show is straight as all hell and it irks me) and her younger "sisters" (who are chinese amazon women and do not speak japanese well) run off crying, saying this to her before they return to their village, "we hurt from heart!" it's a silly thing, they just felt betrayed because their older sister didn't follow amazon tradition. i thought it was super cool and funny but i bet everyone just thinks its super edgy. i do this a lot don't i

2016 tumblr: markersfordays. this sprung from a ship name of me (parker) and a friend (mark). it's all in the past now but i don't have the heart to change it.

2016 instagram: aesthetic.ninjas again!! I TOLD YOU I HAD IT!!! aesthetic.ninjas is my second account, my art account. i use it to roast myself on we.hurt.from.heart just for fun. i'm not trying to create drama but since it's not something you'd expect, and it's not something i say on either we.hurt.from.heart or aesthetic.ninjas' bios, well people tend to assume,,, i've gotten several messages to whfh and an telling me to back off (strange, i don't have any active followers though :/ ) and i had to tell them gently like "me and whfh/an are the same person,,, it's cool dude" and like i really hope people don't think i'm doing it for drama because i'm not,,, i just like making myself feel like shit :)

2016 tumblrs: more accounts!!! so the first one is perkerdraws (perker is a nickname from a list of nicknames for me, wonderfully donated by mysterydoodle ) and ick. the second one was thetamotsusoup because kNX!! i thought i was cool so i made a blog for knx. now its mainly for writing and shit. the third one is aesthetic-ninjas because i'm so proud of that. the last one is a group LGBT ask account i'm a mod on, and that one's called queer-qu3stions because we're cool as hell.

2016 snapchat: aesthetic.ninja aDD ME

2016 wattpad: rutababy. this came from my twitter name/bio (name: rutababy. bio: they call me rutabaga but there is room for doubt) which came from a vine that poked fun at those "like if you've been called" things. on this vine there were the classic insults such as soggy lasagna, noodle, and... rutabaga. so i, naturally, decided to put it on my twitter. and i guess rutababy came from a typo of rutabaga. i had actually done it a while ago, like a year or so ago, but i only recently went back to twitter and saw rutababy and i was like g A SP!!! TIS GENIUS

2016 twitter: therealrutababy. RUTABABY WAS TAKEN BECAUSE APPARENTLY SOME DUDE ACROSS THE WORLD HAD IT FIRST AND I WAS SAD so i went with "therealrutababy" because why tf not

spooktober 2016: we.spook.from.heart and aesthetic.spooks for instagram. my name on wattpad (as you know) is rutaspook. for skype i did skelegghee, adding "skele" to my previous "gghee" (which came from the name of an art piece i did a while back).

---5---

i'm so happy, i started doing voice lowering exercises and aAH i'm so fucking pUMPED

i really really hate how high pitched and feminine my voice is like i sound so small wtf. it's unreal how much i hate my voice haha

---6---

this is a more serious bit of the special. if you haven't realized, i'm basically just jumping around. let's shoot for 100 RCS-sized chapters in one!!

ok but anyway.

so when i was six i was diagnosed with adhd. i've been taking medicine that's supposed to help me focus for eight years, and since i've had this perscription for like two years i'm used to it and it doesn't really help. also my unhealthy obsession with something i will discuss in a later chapter takes up focus and i find it hard to concentrate. again, i will address this in a later section.

so for a few years now, i've been getting these, er, feelings from a lot of people. they're mostly just me, like it's all in my head, but i overthink and overanalyze things and eventually i arrive to the conclusion that this certain person must hate me!!! it's super fun!!

i've been like this for a while now and it's gotten to the point that i think that literally half the people in my school must hate me. i can find instances and reasons why for literally all of them, but most of the time it's a small thing like i accidentally took their seat and now they have some grudge against me?? and for the longest time i thought it was just my personality and then i find this g+ post on an artist friend's profile:

i had to get pictures from the actual site oops

but yeah, so that's fun.

basically what i've started doing now because of this is that i'm apologizing for nearly everything i do. my mom is sick of it lol

i haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but there's a pretty big chance that i have rsd and well.

mark wants me to go through the revolving door so i guess i'll end this section here lmao

---7---

back in march of 2015 i was super obsessed with minecraft. not like the lore or that shit, just like playing on the servers. i have no idea why but oh well. and in march of 2015, the main server i played on was one called emenbee. it was quiet, calm, profanity was at its lowest, and the community was pretty nice. i used to sneak down to the den in the middle of the night to play, and as such i met a lot of people outside of the us. they were all pretty neat, but i wanted more than just a few member friends.

so i got a rANK!!!

i started off as a mason, which is the lowest rank you can buy. it was pretty sweet. i could have like five plots. i felt like the shit, let me tell you.

and then i upgraded to architect. because mason was simply not enough.

i got like 7 plots with this. i was so happy. but, of course, i wanted more. there was another set of ranks that they had, for people who built stuff. i had virtually no experience, but i leapt on that shit quicker than you could say "you can't even draw!"

but yeah, i was on emenbee for a while, and then i discovered a server called vortexpvp.

NOTE: VORTEX ACTUALLY STARTED OUT PRETTY COOL. I CAN SAY THIS BECAUSE IT'S WHERE I MET air-catcher- / ADMIN OF nyoacelqnd

so i quickly got a rank on there and made friends.

this is a list of nicknames from vortex.

march 2015: Envy. i was so fucking proper with it too wth

later 2015: ChimeraEnvy. uuuuUUUgh i hate thiS So much now but then i loved it. it's written in my old binder ick

even later 2015: ____Envy. i thought i was so cool ugh

just 2015: envystone. for a warriors roleplay i did with rubi/naomi/seraphina/kitkat

just 2015: Hotaru. hEY I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING DIFFERENT!! maybe it will stay like this!

2015: envy. nope its gone

2016: antisocialenvy. I MADE IT BOLD IM NOT EVEN KIDDINg

i was also in a bunch of clubs so i would do like narwhalenvy or bubbleenvy or shit like that.

i remember the narwhal club. that was so fucking uGh.
i'll talk about it later i guess

2016: envy. literally everyone knew me as envy at this point just ugh

june 2016: Hakan. i got into a fight with someone and wanted to leave but not really. so i changed my nick to hakan. i was gonna change it to tyler or mizuki (because they're all such talented lil beans) but hakan is my lil swede so he won.

and i havent been on since then so :)

---8---

OK SO YOU KNOW HOW I USE RUTABABY AS MY USER ON BASICALLY EVERYTHINg??

ok so i love sweden so so so much and i want to study abroad there and move there when i'm older because its just so cool

so for two years i used rutababy as a name without knowing what exactly a rutabaga was, so i looked it up and

RUTABAGA IS A SWEDISH WORD

ALSO RUTABAGAS ARE ALSO CALLED SWEDES

I'M SORRY I JUST REALLY FIND THIS SUPER COOL AND COINCIDENTAL AND ACK I FUCKIG LOVE IT SO MUCH

and that's why i call my fans swedes :)

(what fans ya rutabaga)

---9---

ick ok so

i've started doing slightly realistic drawings. so when mark (the photography teacher) hands us blank exposed film to scratch out designs on, of course i go for my no-guidelines, more realistic style. it's the third drawing i've done in that style, so naturally it would have some mistakes. in this case i made the hair too tall and ick.

soooooo i get the sketch printed and developed and i lay it out on the table to dry. next day i go to leave photography and pick up my photo on the way out- and it's gone. i start freaking out but i have no time to keep looking because--look at that--it's almost time for class to start. so i walk out, and oh--look at that--my next class is two stories above my 2nd hour (which i know isn't ad bad as it could be but still, i'm little okay?).

and i look on the board outside where mark puts all the best photos as i walk by it, and what do i fucking see???

my damn print
is on the board.

i know i should be proud, but i hate it when people point out that i'm good at things. i'm lucky i didn't sign it or anything,,, i'd be devastated if someone told me i was good. i know that's weird and it makes me sound cringey but like,,, i get enough of that every single fucking day with my teachers.

i'd take it down but i'm scared mark would be mad at me oops

---10---

OK SO I HAVE THE BEST BIOLOGY TEACHER EVER.

i might have talked about her before but honestly??? not enough can be said about her, i love her so darn mUCh

so she's super young (a year younger than my history teacher last year, who was also amazing) and she's only been teaching for two years (this is her second year) but honey. she is amazing???

ok so she knows how to get to her students, in the old room she would have snacks for kids in case they didn't have enough lunch/breakfast (we can't have food in the new room), she aSKS KIDS THEIR PREFERRED NAME AND PRONOUNS AND USES THEM

she's actually the greatest and there isn't a single student who doesn't love her. platonically.

---11---

yoshihiro togashi is one of the best mangakas i have ever come across in my opinion

his series yuyu hakusho is absolutely perfection

OK let me explain..

the humor he weaves into his stories is flawless every time, unless of course he means to make a flaw, then it's even better. the humor he puts in his extras (he has a running thing between chapters called "my rambling diary" and holy shit it's the greatest thing ever). his aRT STYLe is amazing, too. like, the way he draws legs hNGH- i'm in love and you can't stop me

like his anatomy is perfect nearly all the time??? how???? and he sometimes puts lil doodles of cute girls in between chapters and holy shit they're amazing.

the story of yuyu hakusho also is just really cool and?? i thought it would be like ranma 1/2 where it's literally just filler and relies entirely on the length of a volume but??? yyh has full on arcs that would take up countless episodes in anime format and has no regard for volume length. i'm so so so happy with this thank u @marisa for giving me this series i love you so much

YUSUKE AND KUWABARA (And their crews or whatever) LITERALLY TALK LIKE 50s GANGSTERS ITS SO AMAZING

aND AND AND

THERE'S LIKE HOMOSEXUAL UNDERTONES THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRETY OF YYH (to me at least) AND HE TRIED TO WRITE A SPORTS MANGA ABOUT A BUNCH OF QUEERS, LIKE LITERALLY ALL OF THE MAIN CAST WERE EITHER HOMOSEXUAL OR CROSSDRESSERS/TRANS but surprise surprise it was turned down,,, that's pretty sad but yknow i got other gay stuff

bUT BOI IS HIEI OVERPOWERED DAMN

---12---

spotify ads need cutoff prevention

---13---

i say sorry too much what the hell

ok so i'm covering in the workshop of the children's museum where i'll work when i turn 16, and this little kid just asked me if he could take his creations home with him and i explained that he couldn't because we're gonna put all the yarn sticks on a cool lil mobile and he looked pretty excited and i apologized. then the kid's mom came up and asked if we had any orange yarn left and i said "i don't know, sorry." and then these other kids came in here but they didn't have shoes on and you're supposed to have shoes on in here and the other kid from before tried to tell them that you were supposed to have shoes on but they didn't listen so I jumped in and said "you have to have shoes on in here" i probably should have added somethin like "friend" but both the new kids groaned and ran off, and as they did i whispered "sorry"

they just walked out and i feel like i should have said something but??? i didn't and ick

oops haha

---14---

ick this one is bad :/

wHY IS IT ALWAYS THE RIGHT ARM

LIKE HIEI JUST INCINERATED SOMEONE FOR THE PRICE OF HIS RIGHT ARM???

AND THEN LIKE 90% OF ALL THE CHARACTERS I'VE SEEN WITH PROSTHETIC LIMBS HAVE A RIGHT ARM AS THEIR PROSTHETIC LIMB

fma being one of my first fandoms clearly i have an issue with this

like??? are people suddenly against right-handed people or something??? is left-handedness supposed to be the superior now???? tELL Me

honestly i'm thinking of making an oc with a prosthetic left arm just to defy this potential trend

i'll be the first rebel

woop

but honestly i love characters with prosthetic limbs like??? i don't care what happened it's just kind of cool i think,,, also when it's paired with like casual 1920s wear it's just super aesthetically pleasing??? idk i'm obsessed with the past ok

clearly,,, i have at least ten ocs who were born before ww1

including joey and otto

i need to use those ocs more oops

---15---

OK SO THIS LITTLE GIRL JUST CAME IN AND WAS ABOUT TO START LIKE DOING THE LEAF IMPRINT THING THAT WE HAVE SET UP AND I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF SOCKS COUNTED AS SHOES AND SHE LOOKED UP SO I SMILED AND SHE RAN AWAY

DO I HAVE A SCARY SMILE OR SOMETHING

DID I LOOK LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO KILL HER WHAT DID I DO

I'M LITERALLY CRYING

oh right school ended

some elementary students just walked in and they didn't have shoes but like??? i told them and they listened to me without running in fear?? and they asked me more questions to clarify what i meant this is new what is this feeling

i really really love being here

i hate how the spotify playlist for the workshop is 90% shitty country covers of songs but yknow

---16---

SO THESE KIDS CAME IN WITHOUT SHOES (same ones from 16) AND they asked me what we were doing in here and i tried to explain it but their mom came up and started yelling at them and,,, dragged them out,,, before i could finish

it didn't help that i was silent for like five seconds trying to word my explanation like parker wtf sTEP UP UR FUCKIN GAME D00D

---17---

so last weekend, i went to comiccon to buy some art.

the only things i'm really proud of getting are the two arts from josh c somethin and the stranger things print.

the other six things,,, eech

ok so idk how you get to work a booth at a convention but i think it only has to do with how much you pay,,, because the person i bought six fukcing pieces of art from didn't have,,, good art. not really

so most of it was from 2015/2014 and there was even one from 2013 but?? honestly ick

so i got a mystery bag for $10 because it was cheap and there was more than 1 print (for reasons i'll talk about later) and a short comic that was done recently.

okay so,,, i hate frozen. the story is okay, but the songs are just annoying and the characters are kind of annoying, plus it is literally everywhere. there have been brands that packaged freaking peas that put frozen on their label. i saw frozen-themed plastic waterbottles at some point last year. and just,,, ick. i can't look at it.

so i spent $60 in like 45 minutes (wow, parker, you'll do great on your own), and since i had run out of cash entirely i just walked back and sat in the cafeteria for two hours on my phone. about halfway through the second hour i decided to look at the arts i had gotten from the mystery bag.

the one on the top, the one i had picked, was this cool feathery dude. the second one was this neat old dude with a bunch of, like, water dragons or somethin. the last large print, however,,,

it was elsa.

i nearly cried right there at the far end of the cafeteria. might i mention that there was a young man just on the other side of the doors monitoring the traffic exiting the cafeteria who had been watching me for the entire time i was there?? yep, pretty embarrassing.

so, i was pretty happy with the rest of the stuff i got. the two small prints i got with it were ichigo from bleach and china from hetalia, so there's that.

then i took a closer look at the ichigo and elsa.

the proportions are way off, the anatomy overall is shit, and just ugh.

why did i buy the art, you ask?

well, it's simple.

i thought it was another artist's work.

that's right, this person's artwork (by the way, they were in their 20s or 30s) looked so strikingly similar to another artist (who had much better anatomy) that i had accidentally bought six pieces of art. oops. the artists even looked physically similar.

i ended up keeping all of them, though. the coloring style is one that i really like (watercolor) and not all the anatomy was bad. the feather dude didn't even show his face, and the wings hid any body that may have been there. the old dude with the water dragons seemed pretty okay anatomy wise, and the whole thing was pretty cool looking. the ichigo had awkward anatomy, but it's the only bleach-related thing i have. and the china was pretty okay too. the only one i regretted getting was the elsa one, but i kept that one too. i'll explain why later.

overall i feel like i could have done more with the $60 i had to spend there.

also the comic was poorly drawn. the colors were, once again, pretty nice. the artist may not have an eye for proportion yet but their eye for color is spot on.

they can also draw feathers, and i admire that.

---18---

hiei looks kinda like yuugi what

ack more yuyu hakusho rambling hAHAHA just skip it

---19---

wHEN U START TALKING LIKE COMMUNISTBAKERY BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER A LOT

honestly though communistbakery/crystal is my queen and while i'm perfectly okay with it if she needs to leave (she gets a lot of hate and crap for her identity and political beliefs) i'm also gonna be really sad because i love her a lot??? and she's one of my only outlets for political news so :/

she's one of my favorite blogs so ick

---20---

oops i just discovered hamilton

expect that later :)))))

---21---

ok so since today is halloween we're allowed to dress up, and i totally forgot oops

so there's this kid in my 1st hour and we kind of dress alike sometimes?? i have this weird red/black flannel that is more that just checker (its literally like a bunch of lines) and he has the hot topic flannel so today i walked in and everyone was like "OMG UR DRESSED AS ED RIGHT???" (the dude's name is actually edward but he goes by a different name so imma use the one he doesn't use for "protection") and i'm like "uh what????" and ed turns around and he's like "u dressed as me???" and i'm just liek "i guess yeah sure ok" and so ok okok

he has his hair slicked back all the time and apparently he brings hair gel to school but tODAY HE DIDNT????

like goddamn dude,, help ur fan out a lil geez

my hair just like flops to the side and you can't style it or anything its just,,, there

---22---

OK BUT HAVE I TALKED ABOUT YUYU HAKUSHO

OK so like at the beginning i thought it would be like ranma 1/2 where they figt a bunch of people but there's no blood and no one ever dies but-

holy shit the main character dies in the first chapter

and yeah he comes back but hOLY SHIT

and like??? where i'm at right now there's a tournament going on

team urashemi or whatever yusuke's last name is has brutally killed like half the teams they've gone up against

and yyh is not afraid to show blood its absolutely amazing

---23---

it's so weird being single ack

i wasn't expecting this

ugh i wanna flirt with everybody but like i dont want to more that i want to

---24---

ok so in my first hour there are a bunch of girls who i'm starting to be friends with and?? they all love hamilton except for two of them and i think it rubbed off on me...

because now i'm listening to the soundtrack???

and i'm absolutely loving it????????

kill me ack

---25---

I FOUND ONE OF MY OLD DOUJINSHIS oh mY GOD

it's called madness?? and i guess it was about this girl who was insane or something?? idk i was edgy then,,, ugh i never made more than two panels. i made in 5th grade and well i made it reading from left to right and i went back in 7th grade to look at it and i nearly screamed lOOK AT THIS

i was sO PISSED with how un-manga-y it was

so i did this

i thought i was the shit oml

as you can see, i continued it. i'll post about it in my art book

--26---

i think that's all
i'm doing.

i might start a new book because honestly i hate this book so much,, especially the early chapters.

hey, at least we got to oNE THOUSAND AND NINETY-TWO HUNDRED READS

HOLY SHIT MY DUDES I LOVE YOU

this is 4700+ words now wtf

okay okay i'll go. i'll have the new book up soon, and i may even revisit the segment segment!!

everyone hates that what am i talking about

it was a good run, y'all! i'll see ya in the next book!

-parker