Collection #10

It's Cold Outside

Hi my name's Klaide. It's a boy's name but I'm a girl. I don't know what my parents thought when they gave me this name but still, I like the ring of it.

To start with, I'm impressed you still want to read this after all this is a letter for someone. You can interpret that someone as my first love. I really love this guy but I don't know what to do with this feelings. Would I rather confess or just keep it inside. This thoughts ticks me a lot when I'm alone in my room, just like what I'm doing right now, writing a letter that I don't know if it really makes any sense.

It's really unexpected, I didn't think about falling in love but guess what, I fell in love to a person that can't be mine.

We first met in a gaming center near our school. I didn't expect that a senior like him would recognize my face. I don't even remember him and he just said to me in that moment.

"You're that girl right? The one who surpass some seniors? Didn't expect to see you here" he's saying those words cheerfully.

I thought that time, what a weird guy. Approaching a girl like me as if he knew me for a very long time. He didn't even know the word personal space.

"Uh.... Who are you?" I didn't hesitate to ask him.

"Oh I'm sorry, my name's Skyler. I really want to approach you for a very long time but I don't know what to do" he was a bit shy when he said those words.

That's where it started, when we became friends.

He's an easy to get as a friend guy because he's really approachable. He won't hesitate saying some words that's a little bit offensive but that's how he really is, he's an honest guy.

We played games a lot, I forgot all my troubles when I'm with him. At first I thought it's alright to be with him every time and didn't know the danger I was entering. I forgot I was a girl but it was too late and I fell in love.

I didn't expect it. I'm not really into love and I just want to live my life in college as a normal student. Well it's normal to be in love cause love is in the air right? But in my case, I don't think falling in love is in my vocabulary.

Being with him in just 7 months made me realize that it's possible to fall in love to a friend. I'm just dumb for not thinking the fact that I might fall in love.

After realizing everything about my feelings, everything changed. The way I look at him, the way I smile when I'm with him especially when he's near me, my heart beat so fast that I think I could have a heart attack.

I know it's just a waste of time writing a letter for a person that I don't even think I would ever gave this to him. I'm just a friend to him, I don't even know who he really is. Yes we're friends but he only showed me he's outside self not his private one. I don't really think it's necessary to know he's private life, but I do think, having a friend who only knows joy (even if he covers his pain), a person who only make his outside appearance doesn't matter at all as long as he think of you as his friend then he could be consider as your friend. He's my gaming buddy.

A tear started to fall on the letter.

"Why? Don't tear up" I said to myself as I tried to stop my tears from falling.

It's painful to think that he would never be mine. It's painful to think that he already love someone and just leave you dumbfounded. Sure we are still friends but thinking of other girl beside him, I can't take it after all, being in his side is really warm and not this cold.

"I better stop this" I said while still trying to stop my tears.

Nothing would happen if I still continue writing this letter. I need to get some fresh air.

I stood up, get some jacket from my closet and left the letter on my desk. I left the house and started strolling.

"So cold" I mumbled.

It's obvious that it's cold, It's already winter.

While walking, I looked at the night sky.

"Stars appears at night but they disappear as the sun comes out and shine" I said not minding how cold it is.

As I looked at the street again, I remembered something that makes me more sad than before.

"He would never appear" As I said those words, a voice came out from the back, It's calling my name.

"Klaide!" I turned around to see who's the one calling me but I didn't expect.....

"Skyler" he would appear.

When he's already in front of me, he's hands was on his knees while catching his breathe.

"Why are you here?" I asked him while being stunned.

"Why are you asking....... Wait isn't your birthday today?" He said those words making an expression, is it my mistake?

I just laugh at him to contain my tears to fall down.

"Phew, I thought it's not your birthday today. This present will be a total waste" He smiled

With just his smile, my heart beats so fast, my body feels warmer cause the way he smiled is so warm I can't contain myself anymore.

"This is so unfair" I said while tearing up.

"Hey, don't cry, this gift is not big deal at all I..... " I stopped him before he can even complete his sentence.

My tears are falling, what I felt earlier when I wrote that letter, it came back hunting me.

"I-I'm s-sorry" I said those words between my cries.

"You don't need to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong" he said and hugged me.

This warmth, someday I know, this will disappear as soon as I let go.

"I fail you"

"You didn't fail me Klaide"  'please stop this'

I pushed him away to stopped him from hugging me. I looked at his eyes.

"I love you Skyler" I said to him.

His warmth fade away slowly and I began to quiver from cold. It's my birthday today but all I did is run away from him after confessing. I don't regret confessing but I know I was the one who broke everything and everything wouldn't be the same again.

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Created: March 18, 2018

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(Not edited)