Don't do it.
Do it
Don't do it.
Do it
Don't do it.
Shut up!!

Waves crash against the rocks at the bottom of the dizzying summit. Jagged point and tidal waves are what will greet me if I listen. If I listen to myself.

I'm done with this world. I'm done with constantly feeling wrong. With feeling different. Ashamed. I don't need to hear the shouts and gunshots to know they're closer to finding me. I know they followed me. The guards. The guards keep us safe. Keep us from being different. From being ugly.

I'm gay. I'm gay and I rip open my flesh on a daily basis. I don't need to though. My dad helps out. A searing pain spreads through my back. It feels so real. It is real. "Thought you could run did you?" Crack. "Thought you could escape?"

They found me. The sound of a whip against my skin fills the air. Screams build up in my throat; I push them down and grit my teeth.

Screams=weakness.

Weakness=death

Being gay is a weakness. That's why they want me dead. "Filthy fag. Fucking die. Go on. Jump." Gladly.

Without a moments hesitation, my body moves me so I'm standing upright. The pain in my back momentarily forgotten, I can't feel the blood dripping. All I can think is who it will feel to be free. To be dead. Finally.

Stumbling to the edge I hear the shouts of encouragement. I'm all ready to hurl myself of this cliff, out of this world but something stops me. Someone. "Move." I say through gritted teeth. "Move Maria and I won't have to bring you with me."

"This isn't what you want." She tells me. "Yes it is." I answer. "What do you really want?"

"I want death! I WANT TO DIE!!" I sceam at her. "Fucking do it then." A guard shouts from behind. I forgot they can't see her. Only I can. She's dead. She died three weeks ago. This is where her suicide drove me. To join her.

"I want it to be over. I want to not feel the pain anymore. I want to not have these scars all over my body. I want to not feel ashamed. I want you to be alive again so we can be together and be happy. I want to live in a world where we can be whover the fuck we wanna be and not got shot because of it!" A tirade of emtion pours over me and all my thoughts and feelings just fall from my mouth.

"I don't want to be suicidal. I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to be me. I want to be dead." I whisper the last part so only Maria can hear.

"Then this isn't the way to think about it Madds. If you really hate it this much then rebel. Just do whatever but don't fucking jump!"

"But I'm gay! I have to jump. I have to die somehow!" The guards behind me all shout their agreements. I know they're getting bored but when the ghost of my girlfriend is in front of me it's gonna take some time.

I look down at the puffy red lines that scar my skin and make me feel so worthless. So weak. Because that's what I am. That's why I need to die.

Turning around I face the guards. "You control us. You hate us. You stop us being ourselves. You don't control life and death, you cause it. People have kids because you make them. People kill themselves because you hurt them. To hurt someone so much that they actually take their own lives is despicable. They're human, they have lives, feelings, dreams, fears, hopes but according to you that makes us weak. WELL WE WOULD RATHER BE DEAD AND WEAK THAN TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY JUST TO LIVE IN FEAR! IN FEAR OF YOU! FUCK THE GOVERNMENT! FUCK THE AUTHROITIES! FUCK YOUR TWEETS! FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!"

A gunshot resonates around the stone. Pain spreads through my abdomen, a bullet passes straight through. Blood floods in a gushing waterfall, dying the ground a crimson shade. The chasm starts spinning. I fall. I close my eyes. I never open them again.

No
Goodbye Maria
No Maddie please
I'm sorry
I'm free