I need to stop talking about myself here...

So, I was watching Jacksepticeye's new video and I was wondering something.

This is a question you can answer in the comments, but if you feel its too personal then you don't have to, but what drives you?

If you don't know what that means, then here's a better view; What makes you keep going?

For me, its two things. One caused by my anxiety and the other because of the things I've gone through.

Before, I was driven by having the most fun I could, and showing people how fun life can be. Now its putting a smile on peoples faces.

Now, I know it seems cliche, but if it weren't true I wouldn't be here. The books I write, the pictures I draw, almost everything -- if not, everything --  I put work into, that I'm determined to do, is some project I'm sharing with everyone with one goal in mind, and the goal is to make everyone happy.

I want people to feel a happiness I can barely feel by myself anymore. 99% of the things that put a smile on my face is related to other people noticing me, and smiling because of a joke, a drawing, a story, or anything I've done.

Thats also why I value every notification saying someone commented, voted, or just seeing someone read my story.

My second one is less personal, and more -- like I said -- anxiety-filled.

I feel like if I give up now, I've been a waste to the world. All I've done is take, and I haven't given anything.

I feel that its silly when I look at it, but in the moment its painful, I feel so pressured to do my best all the time, this includes not weighing everyone down with my problems which is why its hard to write this. The only reason I can is I know that if no one cares, they can stop reading right now.

This is also the reason that I've grown up way too fast for my body. I keep asking my Mum when I can get a job, I've tried learning python to make a game, I've tried everything I can to grow up. I keep feeling like I'm running out of time.

Fuck, I've even planned out my whole life!

Currently I'm just waiting, with only those two things from stopping me from giving up.

I know that the first thing can be stolen easily, so I add it to the reasons to be anxious pile.

That motivation can be stopped by me just being ignored by everyone here, which is really easy for someone like me.

You see, people say that being creative is the best way to get noticed. I've found that at wattpad, the best you can do is create some really popular cliche, get tons of followers, then be creative and hope that people

1, Click on the notification and read it

2, Share it with more people

Sadly, I refuse to write cliches so I just vent out my creativity until my moral gives in.

Second thing I want to ask is: Are you happy with what you do?

I know I am, but not all the time. And that's ok.

Sometimes I just don't want to try and be the "Always happy and joyful" person I try so hard to be; After all, sass got no writers anywhere unless in their stories. This causes me to hide myself in the "Always happy and joyful" mask whenever I'm here, mainly when I'm writing an A/N or replying to comments, the mask laced with a little 'XD' humor to perfect the mask.

Its ok not to want to do this, though. Its fine not being happy with what you do, or just with life all the time.

Well, that's it. Thanks for listening.