Well, my thoughts are becoming more like drugs.

Heroin? It puts you in a vegtable-like state. So does my thoughts.

Any drug? Addictive and just as you feel like you're done it pulls you back in. Let me explain,

I've always been a deep thinker. I love my thoughts and the reason why I'm not afraid of death is because I like the idea of everything just going black, where I'm left with nothing but my thoughts.

After long enough of this, I was no longer in control of when I'd just zone out and my body would be forced into auto pilot.

Waiting? Thoughts.

In trouble? Thoughts.

Cooking? Thoughts.

Doing the washing? Thoughts.

Talking? Thoughts.

It just sucks me back in, and thats it until someone calls for me.

The past two weeks I've tried to stop it and ease myself off of it, but I failed after about 3 or 4 days.

Its like getting off any addiction, if you have the thing you're addicted to right in your pocket.

Now, there are good sides as it boosts my creativity and allows me to come up with the stories I do, but its not good for my health. I forget to eat, I stay up too late, I don't move as often as I should, and other things.

I'm sorry for ranting...

I've been wondering if I die my thoughts won't be there...

That'd be nice, I guess... But if they are then thats better...