I can relate to the start. I've been doing that ever sence I was little. Bottle up my feelings and thoughts. Everything that hurt me and every negative feeling. Just so I wouldn't hurt others. But at some point it got out of hand and I started to bottle all of my feelings. Positive. Negative. All of them. I started to think that I shouldn't show them to others. Afraid of what they would think about me. And then, I started to lose my feelings without noticing. Now, I can't feel anything. Not truely at least. And I know that it's too late for me to get them back. So, I've learned to reflect others emotions. That way I can make others think that I can feel. And I guess, hoping that I would even fool myself aswell. I'm not really sure why I wrote this so please don't ask