"I want to draw gay art but when I try to draw people they just look like frogs."

"Then draw some gay frogs kissing."

Anywhore it turned into the thing in the media. I'm very proud of myself.

Okay but is this count as two frogs kissing or is Pepe always just Pepe and is therefore kissing himself somehow? And if he's kissing himself what do we call that? I mean he is a male but he's not two males so it can't be gay can it? Or since homo=same is this somehow more gay than regular gayness because they are the same exact person?

And why is my handwriting ugly as all hell until I make
fancy bubble letters?

These are the questions that have me awake at one am on Sunday morning.

Insomnia.

Friday I was so tired I asked my mom why the 'raw toast', as I so eloquently put it while sleep deprived, wouldn't stay in the toaster; and the answer was because I forgot to plug in the toaster. I blame global warming.

Why was I so sleep deprived on Friday?

Well I'll tell you.

So my English teacher assigned me both a synthesis essay and a group PowerPoint on the adventures of huckleberry Finn.

BUT WAIT THERES MORE!

And my Spanish teacher assigned us a Spanish power point where we talk about our future. We had to have pictures for every slide. You know how supernatural has a gif for everything? When we say everything we mean everything. I have successfully told my life story in supernatural gifs and memes.

I also had a history essay.

And math homework.

I don't even remember how late I was up. It was all kind of a blur.

And I had after school practice for skills USA (aka law enforcement club) all week.

Lemme tell you about Skills USA.

I started the law enforcement pathway this year cause I was like yeah I could be a cop and carry a gun and catch badguys! And then there was a club! And the club had handcuffs! And a real police car! So cool!

Yeah I'm a complete dork I know.

So we have a competition, not this Monday but next Monday. I have two events, Misdemeanor stops and building search.

Misdemeanor is traffic tickets. There's going to be a judge in a car and I have to call 'dispatch' from a police car tell them I'm pulling someone over, walk up to the car and write a ticket for the guy judging me, who will be an actual police man. And he's going to do weird shiz like get out of the car and run towards me and then I have to pull out my (fake) gun and yell at him without getting nervous or screwing anything up, or there might be a baby doll in the car and then I have to write a ticket for having a baby not in a car seat.

If you ever get pulled over by a cop be nice to them. Don't be annoying. Even if you were running late or think it's a stupid law just do what they tell you to and sign your ticket. It's their job.

Building search is like someone calls in a burglary in an abandoned building and it's dark in there and someone's hiding and we take our guns and flashlights in there, find them, and arrest them. I'm the third which means I walk backwards behind the second and the first so no one can come up behind us and shoot us, cuz I shoot them first with my blue plastic gun. The first person we find gets arrested by the second and if there's another person I arrest them. With our actual handcuffs. We take turns being suspects during practice. I've been arrested. It's not like in the movies.

We have to yell "SUSPECT SUSPECT!"

And then the first goes "get out with your hands where I can see them!" And they do that. "Face away from me!" They do that. "Take your right hand lift up your shirt collar and spin around slowly until I say stop." They spin while we look for guns hidden in their waistband.  "Get on your knees cross your ankles and interlace your fingers on the back of your head!" They do that and then the second goes and puts their foot on whatever foot they put on top so they can't move, then cuffs em. They read the rights "you have the right to remain silent blah blah blah" and take them out to the police car walking backwards.

If you put handcuffs on too tight they really hurt btw.

Oh and there's this one a-hole I really hated in elementary school. He ran around the playground making fun of people for no reason and mocking Martin Luther King Junior ("I have a dream Jojo will stop wearing that ugly green shirt!") Apparently he's hot though so all the other girls liked him. I'm too ace for that shit though I didn't even know he was hot till someone else told me and then they thought I was a lesbian. Anyway he was one of our club officers. I was beginning to think maybe he was actually an okay person.

Then he quit on the club two weeks before competition leaving his team without a first and wasting the forty dollars the school paid for him to go to competition because he decided it wasn't fun anymore.

"I have a dream you'll go step on a Lego you %#* +^ a >€*~"

A holes are a holes. He was a Donald Trump supporter btw.

Anyway I have determined I can't be a cop.

When I miss school because I'm sick I feel really guilty. My parents don't even care about my grades but I feel like crying when I get a B. It is my personal responsibility for everyone, even complete strangers, to be as happy as is humanly possible. If I have to student grade someone's test and they don't get a hundred I feel bad. I cannot have a job where I give people traffic tickets. It would kill me.

I also can't be a doctor or a vet because every time a sick person died I would feel guilty. I don't think I could actually have a job where I help people because every time I didn't help someone I would feel guilty. Plus I'm really smart with like numbers and stuff, but not with people. Maybe if I was working in like forensics I could do that because i wouldn't have to hand out traffic tickets or arrest people, but I could still help people and I could be all sciencey. Yeah that's going to be my new career path. Forensic scientist.

And then one day I'm going to open a church where we marry gay people and have a food bank and actually help people instead of singing songs and talking about sin. We'll do the singing too, but we'll be fixing people's houses and giving people food while we do it.

And I'll write books on the side. Books are important.

Wow it's 2:17 am. Still not tired enough though.

Hold on I have to find my pants.

Mkay you know I don't really have a reason for typing that other than to make you look at the screen and be like wtf? Okay well I don't, but I did actually have to find my pants to change into.

You know how in lord of the rings Bilbo is like super old (eleventy-one to be exact, 111), but Gandalf is like "why Bilbo you haven't aged a day . . . " and then Gandalf figures out the ring has completely prevented him from aging.

And then for some reason they have Martin Freeman playing him in the Hobbit and Gandalf just seems like a liar now doesn't he?
Writers don't think.

Okay and if you've seen the lord of the rings and the hobbit, you're missing a lot. I mean don't get me wrong the lord of the rings movies are a book to movie transition to rival Harry Potter, I mean I can't say the same for the Hobbit (there was really no reason to make that three part it was one book calm down), but each book has waaaay more content than you could ever fit in a movie.

Things you miss by only watching the movies in LOTR and the Hobbit fandoms include:
1: Most of the information regarding the sackvill bagginses. Oh god I didn't even come close to spelling that right.

2: Hey diddle diddle the extended version. (I'm not joking)

3:Tom Bombidill. Yes you miss a whole character. Probably like the most powerful character in the whole story line actually.

4: Frodo's backstory. You ever wonder why this kid is living with his uncle?

5:The horse names. (Swift foot, wise nose, swish tail, fatty lumpkin)

6:Eowyn was way way way cooler in the books. She had a lot of character depth and emotional struggle and a little bit of sass. She's the one who kills the ring wraith btw if you have no clue what I'm talking about.

7: Merry, Pippin, and Sam were kinda portrayed as simple and clumsy in the movies, in the books they were actually smart enough to figure out that Frodo's had the ring and they all had shifts spying on him because they were really worried about him after Bilbo disappeared and like Pippin helped Eowyn kill the king of the ring wraiths and they are really awesome and the best friends anyone could ever have so yeah.

8: Gimli and Legolas Brotp moments.

9:  Tolkien really likes to write songs and poems and he's very descriptive. Like this book is gorgeous. You can see the trees in your head perfectly. He invented the elvish language. This was a lot of time effort and imagination.

10: Golems internal struggle with good and evil. Like you don't understand. I know it's in the movies but. you. Don't. Understand!

11: You ever wonder what happened to Wormtongue and Sauromon the wise? It's in the second half of the last book which was completely cut out of the movie. It didn't end like that.

12: Tolkien writes out the entire life of every character and puts it in the back of the book along with their individual family trees and the lives of their decedents. Like the death of every single character is in the back of the book envelope if it's completely irrelevant to the plot it's in there. You want to know exactly how Aragorn died and what Sam's children did for a living you look in the back of the last book.

13: Really old English language like hither thither wherefore and four page long descriptions of trees. Admittedly not everyone has time for this.

14: Gimli's intense aesthetic crush on the elf queen. Like she's the most beautiful person in the world and he will fight you over it like he had his ax ready and the other dudes like "um I gotta say my girlfriends more beautiful. Like she'll kill me." "Okay I won't fight you." He's adorable.

Oh and it makes me very happy that Aragorn and Sam are the only characters with any romantic subplot. No wait not with eachother with women. I mean I prefer not to ship the other characters with anyone but it's a bunch of dudes traveling with eachother so if you want to interpret it as gay you can.  I'm just going to sit here and ship them with their own singleness because I can and it's canon. I'm going to pretend they're ace. I've been doing that subconsciously ever since everyone's hormones activated. Same for Star Wars. Luke is my space ace.

Speaking of Star Wars. So someone said something along the lines of Rey has to be descended from a great Jedi master in a video or something, fun fact for you, most Jedi are not descended from other Jedi because the Jedi code says no attachments and a child is an emotional attachment as is the person you would create children with. Part of the reason Anakin went darkside is because he had to keep his marriage with Padme a secret from the Jedi. Yoda is not descended if Jedi. Obi wan is not descended of Jedi. Rey may not actually be the child of a Jedi.

Just thoughts. I hear the trains. It's time to sleep. I just wrote over two thousand words goodnight.