Yes it's a long annoying existential crisis where everything is confusing.

Okay so I went and watched Danisnotonfire crisis video.

And then I watched the one where he dropped out of university.

And then 'the meaning of life'

And then he told me to do what makes me happy and that I am in control of my own life.

And then I looked over at the book I'm supposed to be reading and doing activities on for summer homework.

And that brings us to where I am now on the floor typing on wattpad.

YAY!!!!

WHY DO I HAVE SUMMER HOMEWORK?!?!?

oh yeah because I picked ducking advanced placement so now I have to do ducking homework.

Yeah above grade and in advanced placement for math and English.

Okay anyway I named my fish finally!

Narwhal (the purple one)
Gee Buttersnaps (the gold one)
Clarence ( the blue one)
Captain Jack Harkness (green)
Felicia Fancybottom (pink)

They are all references.

Except Narwhal. Narwhal is just a Narwhal in her purest simplistic sassy little form. She is a complete spazz and she will fight you.

And she will win.

Okay and there's one more thing.

There's this boy.

Okay so I've actually mentioned this guy before in the last random book and I made a character based off of him in the book called The Prophet.

I call him Alfie when referring to him on Wattpad because I don't use peoples names and you couldn't pronounce his real one. You'd just look at it and be like wtf is this?

Okay yeah but I call him Alfie here. He goes to my church and my school and he's in my scout crew basically everywhere I go outside of my own home he's there, which is why it was a terrible idea to tell him about any feelings I had for him. So I just shut up about it. Even to my brother and church friends for a really long time.

Until the scout group started.

And I started thinking he liked me back.

See, scouts go on camp outs. There was this one campout.

So we were all waiting on a thing and someone decided to bring up crushes.

The obnoxious Vice President goes "Alfie likes someone HERE"

Alfie told him to shut up. Angrily.

But I ignored it because five minutes later he was giving Cyann a piggy back ride. Could've been anyone there or the obnoxious idiot could've been messing with his friend.

Then later it started raining and everyone went into this building to watch brave.

We were having this poke war and it was cold. My glove felt nasty on my hand so I took it off and poked him on the cheek.

And he goes "Hannah your hand is freezing!" And holds my hand in both of his and makes me put my glove back on. And took the glove off my other hand and held it for a few minutes too.

Another time we went skating with some friends and I learned something. Alfie is awful at skating. So I held his hand to help him skate. And he excepted my help until other people started laughing and telling us they shipped us.

I would've helped any of my friends skate by the way people can help each other skate plutonically. But he didn't let anyone else help him skate besides me and his little sister.

Finally one day Cyann tells me "Okay I really like Alfie. But he's in love with you."

Oh great.

I elected to ignore this at first. I mean "just no!"

But then it's like why the frack not?

Because I like him and apparently he likes me back.

But why the hell would I luck out and him actually ask me out.

I have never ever in my life had any guy tell me he likes me to my face without me saying something first.

So many weeks later this occurred.

Me: Hey Alfie stop I need to talk to you!

A: okay . . .

Me: okay so I really like you as more than a friend.

A: okay. Um

So I let him absorb that.

Me: How do you feel-

A: I feel the same of course. I like you too I just didn't know how to say anything.

And we both sat in the window sill awkwardly.

A: okay wow I'm shaking.

Me: *looks at my hand* yeah me too.

And then I told people who may have made it a bit awkward.

And later this conversation occurred.

A: Hannah I promise to ask you out in the future. But right now this is . . . awkward.

Me: okay. *is the one to tell people nevermind we aren't together.*

Yeah.

So I don't even know why.

I'm annoyed at him.

And everything is awkward.

I hate my life.

Also I later found out him and Bob are friends at school.

Things aren't back to how they were with Alfie before yet.

And I have no clue if he lied the first time about liking me back or what happened.

Anyway I just shouldn't have asked said anything I guess.

And I still like him.

But only when I'm romo.

Which is why I really wish I was just completely aromantic and not friggin aroflux because you know what?

CRUSHES SUCK AND THERE IS LITERALLY NO REASON FOR ME TO HAVE THEM SO FEELINGS NEED TO JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!

Four days later when I'm actually publishing this chapter:

So I went camping and my phone died while this was trying to post.
I seriously debated actually posting it. But I already wrote it so whatever. When I post things that are upset me or existential crisis or  something it's just to write things because I feel that way and I don't need anyone to try to make me feel better so don't feel pressured to post a bunch of comments if you don't want to. I'm honestly fine it's just random spurts of me being angry that happen because I'm Hannah. So yeah. Also because of the existential crisis that is happening because confuzzelation.