I'm asexual.

Asexual means you are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender.

People can have romantic attraction without having sexual attraction. (crushes but you don't want to frikle frackle)

I'm not sure if I have romantic attraction or not.

Because if I've never felt it how am I supposed to know?

What if I thought it was a crush but it was really a squish (strong desire for friendship. like you want them to be your superfriend.)?

So I ask people to describe romantic attraction.

I get things like "it's really hard to describe"

Someone told me it's like when your running and your lungs start hurting but without the hurting part.

Accurate?

I don't know!

I THINK IM HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS I DONT UNDERSTAND MY OWN HEART ANYMORE!!!

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I DONT FRACKING KNOW!!

But I do know my sexuality so I'm getting somewhere.

I don't know if I count as "straight" anymore either.
Where does any of this fall?

Tumblr seems to have a few disagreements...

The only family member I told is my brother.

Because I know he won't tell anyone.

And I managed to randomly bring up the topic to my mom without saying that I myself was ace and explained it to her partially.

She seemed to think kids my age are too young to actually know about their own feelings.

Thanks mom. Thanks.

Scared to say anything because though this isn't the same thing as being gay or something my mom is almost a homophobe.

Not completely. Almost.

And I don't want to have to go get my hormones checked or something if my parents don't believe in asexuality or something.

If the first thing they ever hear about it is "I'm asexual" then yeah they might think I'm just confused or going through a phase or something stupid like that.

And then I don't know about coming out to my real world non church friends when school starts back up.

I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to be a special snowflake or something at school.

And I don't want to give everyone I know a fracking vocabulary lesson.

Also slightly annoyed I went fifteen years of my life without knowing asexuals existed and I am asexual.

Off to bang my head on a wall now!

If you know how to explain what a crush feels like please explain because I need to understand!