im literally so obsessed with making this lmao
enjoy jully!! 🥺
LAURENS207

***

John: The moon controls the tides and the human psyche. Wolves know that, that's why they howl at it. It's a tribute-
Therapist: Let's talk about your childhood-
John: No-

***

John: A mosquito tried to bite me so I slapped it away, killing it-
John: And then I started thinking... It was just trying to get food, right-
John: What if I went to the fridge one day and it just slammed the door shut, snapping my neck-
John: How would I feel-
Alex: Uh, are you okay-

***

Alex: We should stop worrying about Philip and let him lead his own life-
John:
Alex:
John: Do you want to follow him or should I-
Alex: Let's both do it-

***

Alex: Actually, this morning there's a little surprise in your egg-
John: *lifts up eggshell to pull out a note* "I love you." How cute! I love you too, egg-
Alex: No stupid, that's me saying that to you! I love you-
John: o H-

***

Alex: Where's Pip-
John: Up on the roof-
Alex: THE ROOF?!
John: Relax! He's got sunscreen on-

***

John: Just tried watermelon on pizza. Honestly? It was pretty good-
Alex: That's him officer, that's the guy right there, take the shot before he gets away-

***

John: Why is my hand shaking-
Alex, deciding to mess with him: Your skeleton is ready to hatch-
John: W H A T-

***

John: Babe I got a pet snake. What should I name him?
Alex: I'm sorry, you got a wHaT-
Philip: William Snakespeare-

***

Alex: *exhales* How's my breath-
John: Oooh, like flowers! How'd you do that-
Alex: I ate two flowers-

***

John: What if I was the president-
Alex: Well, then we'd be in a lot of trouble. You don't know where any of the countries are-

***

Alex: Why are you looking at me through a fork-
John: I'm pretending you're in jail-
Alex: Why-
John: It's spiritually healing-

***

Alex: What's worse than heartbreak-
John, on the verge of tears: Stepping on your dog's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry-

***

John: Hey Alex? My hands are stuck in two Pringle's tubes-
John: Both hands, yeah-
John: Look it's not important how I managed to call you, just come over and help me-

***

Philip: *screams*
Frances: *screams louder*
John: Should we do something-
Alex: No I want to see who wins-

***

John: Does Lightning McQueen have car insurance or life insurance-
Alex: It's 2 in the morning, go back to sleep-

***

Alex: Are you alright? You didn't get enough sleep last night-
John: It's fine, I got eight minutes-
John: Not consecutively but still it's fine. You're not even that blurry-

***

John: You are very naughty-
Koda: bOrK-
John: Okay, but next time there'll be consequences-
Koda: b O r K-
John: You're right, probably not-

***

Alex: Why are you standing on a chair-
John: I live here, you know. I can stand wherever I want, thank you very much-
Alex:
Alex: Where's the spider-
John: It's under the table, please get it for me. Please-

***

Alex: I search for warmth and tiny spaces to curl up in-
John: I diagnose you with cat-

***

Philip, breaking down the door: SIX MONTHS!
Alex: What is he talking about-
John: I'm sure it's nothing-
Philip: FOR SIX MONTHS YOU WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT AND SAID NOTHING-

***

Alex: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for the dogs-
John: They need to learn to protect us-

***

John: How did this happen-
Alex, stuck in a trash can: How does anything happen? Move past it-
John, walking away: Okay-
Alex: NO WAIT-
Alex, quietly: I'm stuck-

***

John: Alex wake up! We're going on an adventure-
Alex: It's 4 am. Please shut up and go back to sleep-

***

John: I'm going to bed-
Alex: But it's noon-
John: Time isn't real-

***

Alex: I hardly slept last night-
John: You know what they say if you can't sleep? It's because someone is thinking about you-
Alex: Who could be thinking about me at 3am-
John: u H-

***

John: Okay so, I have some bad news and some good news-
Alex: Good news first-
John: Well the airbags in your car work amazing-

***

Alex: Let's go play some volleyball!
John, still in his pajamas: It's five in the morning-

***

John: But, what if when I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me-
Alex: When has that ever happened-

***

Alex: Did you go for a run last night-
John: Yep-
Alex: Did it help you sleep-
John: I envy people in comas-

***

John: People are like trash cans. If you step on their foot, their mouth opens-
Alex: Baby it's 2am-

***

John: What would the chef recommend-
Alex: Honey this is a McDonald's-
John: Oh sorry, what would the McChef recommend-

***

Alex: When I was small-
John: *snorts* "was"-

***

Alex: Why is Kirby on the counter?
John: He likes to be tall-

***

Alex: Words ending in "-ie" are so cute! Like "cutie," "sweetie," "cookie"-
John: "Die"-
Alex: No-

***

Alex: I relate to Belle because she loves to read books and loves people for their souls-
John: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies-

***

John: What if soy milk is just like regular milk, but it's introducing itself in Spanish-
Alex: ...Is this what you think of at night-

***

Alex: You...use a lot of emojis-
John: I have a lot of emojions. I'm very emojional-

***

John: If you could change your name, what would you change it to-
Alex: Forty exclamation points in a row, pronounced like a person screaming-

***

Alex: Well, I'm old-
Angie:
Alex: You're supposed to say "You're not that old, Papa"-
Angie: But you are old-

***

John: If you have ten pieces of cake and a friend asks for two, how many do you have-
Frances: Ten pieces of cake and a dead body-

***

John: I'm a confident driver.-
Alex: You almost ran someone over.-
John: Confidently-

***